drowning in my own tears ,

i shed my tears million times before .
and i know its all about me .
my fault and i .
i've become someone im not in minute ,
and i've hurt one heart in a split second .
how did i became someone i hate .
i love him and i know his the greatest among them all .
but why did i even try to convince my self that i'm strong enough to face reality ,
oh god yes i'm still hangin in fantasy .
im sorry honey , i didn't mean to hurt you .
in whatever ways .
i wish for you too remember my face and the sound of my voice .
even if its the last thing you want to hear .
i want to be in your memory as the sweetest things that ever happen .
i want you too be near forever .
but not as my special someone .
but as my friend who i trust the most .
because i just realize ,
i can't handle this things just yet .
i'm angry at myself ,
and i'm angry at the spirit i never found .
i beg for forgiveness .
i'm really sorry for what i've done .
baby , forgive me .
please dont ever forget me , or run away from me .
i need you by my side ,
i only need my time alone ,
i'm not ready for all of this .
but when i am , i'll be reaching out for you .
your name will be carve in this heart .
i still need you as my Guardian Angel .