Little Room

Don't count on anyone .

2011-12-06T14:17:00.000-08:00

" Sometime , that person we least expected to hurt us , Literally breaks us . "

Mungkin sesetengah orang rasa , Orang yang kita sayang , Orang yang kita puji , Orang yang kita sanggup mati untuk , Orang tu tak akan pernah sekali pun luka kan hati kita ? Umm sebenarnya salah , Orang yang paling rapat dengan kita lah orang yang paling senang untuk calarkan kita , Betul ni . Serious sangat sangat , Korang tak boleh mengharapkan siapa siapa pun , You yourself kena kuat . Jangan percaya sangat dekat Bruno Mars tu , His just sayingggg -,-

If you take it from me , My heart have been broken so many times , Sampai tak mampu nak ingat dah . And the best part is , all of it was done by my bestfriends , family's , Love one . Ye la , tak akan lah some strangers down the street , Datang datang depan muka you and say words that could hurt you . NO KAN ?

Maybe it's just faith , nasib seseorang kita tak akan tau . And i took it as a lesson , So i wont do it to others .

For now , i have no one else i could count on . exactly right now , NO ONE literally NO ONE . Even my sunshine has back down on me . Thanks bie , You talk You do like you dont know who's your girl . I could'nt rest . I couldn't let go . I couldn't breath knowing i've hurt you . Did you feel the same ? na'ah .

I don't know what im doing up at this hour . Bragging shit on this page . Bye

Bulan ini saksi kita .

2011-07-15T18:23:00.001-07:00

" Hello ? "

" Hello , assalammualikum "

*tap . sengaja dimatikan talian itu .

" Ok , itu pelik . " Airis bingung .

" Npe ? " soal Nadirah .

" Huh ? tak .. ada orang call , lepas cakap hello . dia terus go to hello gak , hihi " Airis ketawa .

" Salah nombor lah tu , your turn " Nadirah menunjuk kan bola bola pool yang bersepah di atas meja .

Airis meneruskan permainan tapi sedalam dalam hatinya berbisik , Mungkinkah dia ?

Malam Airis diteruskan penuh tanda tanya , penuh harapan .

" Airis , aku tengok kau ni macam banyak termenung la . Kau ok tak ni ? " Nadirah concern dengan perangai Airis yang makin pelik hari demi hari .

" Eh aku okay lah . mana ada temenung . hoho " Tipu ! memang dia tipu .

Hati dia luka , Hati dia belum baik . Dia selalu ketawa dan penuh dengan cerita . Tapi itu hanya lakonan semata mata , Dia masih jauh di alam yang seboleh boleh nya jauh dari dunia nyata . Realiti bukan lah pilihan hidupnya kini . Dia masih di alam dimana tangan Karnain digenggam erat .

" Kalau kita kahwin en en en , nak pergi honeymoon kat mana ? " Soal Karnain sambil buat muka sepuluh sen beliau

" Haha , kahwin ? tak nak ah kawen dengan you , you tak handsome . i nak kawen dengan Shaheizy sam . " Airis balas sambil tersenyum sinis .

" Ah pergi ah you , kawen ngan dia . I sayang kat you , you nak kawen dengan orang lain la ? eyyy Lisa surihani tu tunggu i dari last year kot . i cakap . sorry baby , i dah dah ada gf . haa cmtu " Muka Karnain bangga

Airis ketawa terbahak bahak , habis segala control cun .

" You ni perasan jugak kan ? "

" Hee , suka ah ! " Karnain membalas sambil tersenyum . Hati , jiwa , nyawa kini milik Airis . Tak ada lagi yang dapat menandingi kasih dia terhadap Airis Anissa .

*Beep beep , bergetar getar meja sisi katil nya .

" Siapa pulak message pagi pagi ni " Airis merungut .

"Teruskan hidup Airie , Tolong lah ."

Airis tersentap dan terus mengalirkan air mata tanpa henti , seolah olah tangisan itu tiada akhir nya . Ternyata betul suara hati dia semalam . Betul apa yang disangkakan . Karnain ..

" Eh you ingat i ingin sangat ke dengan you ? you jangan sibuk dengan hidup i okay , Tolong la jangan muncul lagi . BYE ! " Balas Airis kasar . Walaupun hati dia masih menyayangi Karnain , tetapi Airis masih tidak boleh melupakan malam itu , ditinggalkan tanpa alasan . Airis pendendam .

" Airis , Karnain janji . Lepas ni , Karnain tak akan sekali kali muncul dalam hidup Airis . Pinky promise :) "

Airis tak pernah percaya pada takdir , cinta dan kebahgiaan . Sejak Karnain hadir , Dia telah mengubah persepsi hidup Airis , dan setelah Dia pergi , Dia sekali lagi telah mengubah persepsi hidup Airis .

Airis masih tidak dapat memaafkan Karnain , baginya Karnain telah bantu dia mengatur langkah , baginya Karnain sempurna , Dia hanya mahukan Karnain disisi sampai mati . Ke syurga aku mahu kau bersama . Tetapi Karnain telah menghancurkan segala-gala nya .

" Hello ? "

" Ye hello ? " Balas Airis

" Airis , Mak ni . Airis datang rumah Mak sekarang . Mak tunggu Airis . " Ibu Karnain .

" Hah ? but why mak . Airis tak nak jumpa dia please . "

" Airis , Mak merayu dengan Airis . Datang ye ? "

Tiba nya Airis di perkarangan rumah Karnain , keadaan seolah olah ada keramaian semakin hampir Airis di pintu utama kedengaran sayu sayu bacaan yassin . Jantung Airis seolah olah diputus putus kan uratnya . Fikirannya celaru . Kusut .

Terus dicepat kan perjalannya , memasuki pintu rumah .

Mata nya liar mencari cari ..

" Airis ? sini ikut mak " diikuti Ibu Karnain menaiki anak tangga , dia masih hairan .

Ibu Karnain meninggalkan Airis di hadapan pintu bilik utama . Sambil menunjuk kan tombol pintu .

Belum sempat dibuka habis pintu itu , Airis rebah .

Kelihatan Karnain terbaring lemah di atas katil . Karnain mengidap penyakit yang tidak dapat diubati lagi . Sebab utama Karnain meninggalkan Airis ialah kerana dia tak mahu Airis mengharap apa apa dari dia . Dia tak mahu melihat kekecewaan itu di mata Airis . Kerana Airis adalah segala gala nya .

Lantas Airis mendekat kan diri nya di tepi katil , digenggam erat tangan Karnain . Rindu , hatinya meruntun . Disebelah katil Karnain terdapat sekeping nota ;

" Cinta kau dan aku , Takkan mungkin bersatu , Untuk saat ini di dunia ini , Mungkin kita bersama nanti di atas sana "

" Kan saya dah janji ? tak akan muncul lagi .. " Karnain bersuara serak , senyum , perlahan-lahan menutup matanya .

Airmata Airis seperti hujan , hatinya dihancurkan ribut taufan , hanya Tuhan mampu mengubat . Hanya pada-Nya Dia berserah . Seakan akan mahu bersama Karnain . Rebah dan hilanglah jiwa , hilanglah Airis , Hilang penuh duka .

" You , bulan ni jadi saksi i . Hanya maut memisahkan kita . "

" Iye ke , terima kasih sayang . Nanti kita sama sama pergi syurga ok ? saya isteri awak , awak suami saya "

" InsyaAllah awak , kita rancang dan doa yang terbaik ye "

" Hey sayang awak "

" Sayang awak lebih "

Berdiri Airis dihadapan kubur Karnain , Sudah 4 tahun berlalu . Namun Airis masih tidak dapat melupakan Karnain . Kekecewaan nya yang mendalam membawa dia jauh dari segalanya . Tidak mampu akhir kan ceritera .

" Akan aku setia menjaga janji yang telah hapus dimamah takdir " bisik hati Airis .....

Aku benci jatuh cinta

2011-07-15T18:22:00.001-07:00

Mendung cuaca pagi ini , susut badan aku hari ini . Airmata aku jatuh lagi , kau punca dari pagi hingga petang aku menanti . Terima kasih kerana melukai lagi .

"Eh jangan lambat okay babe ? i tunggu depan rumah esok pukul 7am . Oh and please jangan tertinggal apa apa , i tak mau kita kena patah balik pulak sebab you tertinggal berus gigi . K yang ? hihi " Dah 2 bulan diorang plan nak pergi Langkawi ni , exited betul Amy mengingati Aliah .

Pagi Isnin , 6.45 pagi .

" Hello ? Aliah , kitorang dah kat simpang depan rumah you . Bawak turun lah beg semua . "

" Erk , sekarang pukul berapa ? I baru bangun ni you . Alarm tak bunyi pulak dah "

" Huh ? you got to be kidding me Aliah !! grrr " Amy geram betul dengan perangai Aliah .

" I siap cepat cepat la , masuk la dulu " Aliah memujuk manja .

" Takpe lah , i dengan Amirul tunggu luar je . cepat sikit ok ? "

" Okay sayang !! " Dicapai tuala dan terus ke bilik air .

Terpaksa lah Amy dan Amirul menunggu Aliah , Amirul ? oh dia ni . Erm nak kata kekasih Amy bukan , nak kata bukan kekasih pun bukan , korang pandai pandai lah fikir ye ? So , perjalanan mereka sedikit lambat disebabkan Aliah .

Sambil sambil menunggu Aliah , mereka berdua keluar dari kereta untuk menikmati udara pagi yang tiba tiba dicemari .

*Proooooottttt*

" Weyyy ! you kentot eh ? Halamak , kalau tak bau takpe jugak " Kata Amy sambil ketawa .

" Hahaha , sorry sorry " Amirul meminta maaf sambil mengibas ngibas seluarnya .

Belum sempat Amy membalas ,

" Korangg , alamak korang sorry lah doe . Tidur lambat skype dengan cinta hati i " Aliah memberi alasan sambil tersengih sengih , sebijik macam kerang busuk . Mereka pun memulakan perjalanan ..

Langkawi , 5.30 pm .

" Wahhhh , sampai jugak kite . Oh rindunya bau laut ni .. " Amy pernah menetap disini satu ketika dahulu , bersama keluarga . Tiba tiba je dia sentimental .

" Jom check in dulu lah , nanti kita keluar jalan jalan okay ? " Amirul membalas .

" Baik " Amy tersenyum .

Tiba saja mereka di Lobby Hotel Kampung Tok Senik , masing masing check in diri mereka . Amy dan Aliah berkongsi satu bilik dan Amirul satu balik .

" Hoho , apa barang share share bilik . Tengok i . Privacyyy ! " Amirul bangga .

" Haa ye lah privacy . Kalau ada yang tak diundang teman you malam ni . tak payah gatal nak call i . Wekk " Amy membalas .

" Haha , kidding lah kidding . jum naik "

Mereka becadang untuk makan malam ditepi laut , seafood mungkin . Amy membawa mereka ke semua tempat yang dihajat . Bagi Amy kacanglah jalan jalan di Langkawi ni . How she knows Langkawi like the back of her hand . Malam mereka berakhir lewat , dan mereka pun pulang ke bilik masing masing .

" Ahh penatnye harini , tak cukup rest la . " Aliah merungut sambil melibas cadar katilnya .

" Tak cukup ? babe you la rest paling banyak . Sampai tertidur atas bahu amirul pun tak sedar "

" Huh ? bila pulak . tak ingat pun . "

" Dalam ferry tadi la . "

" oh ye ke " tiba tiba muka Aliah berubah , nampak macam nervous je , tapi kenapa ?

" Okay lah i tidur dulu , Goodnight Amy "

" Night " Amy mebalas tanpa rasa curiga .

Keesokan paginya ,

*beeeepppppppppp* satu deringan yang kuat dari handphone Aliah yang telah mengejut kan Amy , tapi Aliah masih dibuai mimpi .

" Erm kuat nye Alarm you Liaaa , tutup please " Amy merengek , jelas sekali tak ada sebarang tindakan pun yang dibuat oleh Aliah . Terus dicapai handphone Aliah , belum sempat dia menekan butang merah .

*Text message from Amirul Nazmi* - Kejutkan Amy , kita pergi breakfast .

" Amirul ? hmm , kenapa tak text aku je . " Bisik hati Amy sambil memeriksa handphone nya sendiri . Tetapi Amy masih tidak mengesyak apa apa , fikiran nya sentiasa positif . Atau dia terlau naif ?

Lalu dikejutkan Aliah , mereka pun bersiap siap untuk sarapan pagi .

" Amy , baju ni cantik tak ? ke yang ni ? i nak pakai yang mana eh ? " Aliah meminta pendapat Amy .

" Yang kiri tu la cantik " Pendapat Amy sentiasa jujur .

Hotel Lobby ,

" Alright guys , mana nak pergi ni ? "

" Tanya la Amy , dia kan tau tempat tempat kat sini " Nada Aliah seolah olah memerli .Tapi seperti biasa Amy tak perasan apa apa pun .

" Kita makan kat depan tu , ada gerai . Roti canai dia sedap gila " Balas Amy .

Habis sahaja bersarapan mereka pulang ke bilik , berehat sambil menunggu cuaca tenang . Agak panas hari tu . Mereka bercadang mahu ke pantai Chenang petang tu .

Amy termenung jauh ketika mereka berehat di bilik , tak tahu apa yang bermain di fikiran Amy pada waktu itu . Dan tak tahu juga kenapa Aliah gelisah melihat Amy termenung jauh . Kehulur dan kehilir Aliah tidak tenang .

" Babe ! " Aliah menyapa .

" Ye ? ape dia ? " Terkejut Amy dengan sapaan Aliah yang agak kasar

" You okay ke ni ? termenung ni kenapa ? "

" Oh , takde ape . I saje je menikmati udara hutan ni . best kan ? " Amy memberi alasannya .

Aliah tidak membalas apa apa , hanya tersenyum . Senyuman seakan akan senyum paksa .

Rancangan mereka menjadi , Petang itu ketiga tiga mereka pergi ke pantai . Angin kuat menyukarkan percakapan mereka . Masing masing hanya ketawa sambil bermain main ar . Mereka sangat rapat . Aliah dan Amy berkawan hampir 4 tahun dan Amirul pula 2 tahun . Jadi masing masing sudah senang bersama sama ..

" I had fun today " Amy memberitahu Aliah dan Amirul diselit dengan senyuman manis .

" me too " Amirul membalas sambil matanya ditenung jauh ke mata Amy .

Aliah terdiam . Mereka pun pulang ke hotel . Masing masing penat dan lapar .

" Lepas maghrib kita dinner kat bawah eh ? malas la nak pergi jauh jauh . too tired " Amirul bercadang .

" Okay , i okay je " Aliah setuju

" Ya okay " diikuti dengan Amy .

Poolside restaurant ,

Amy tak sedap hati , walaupun dia sudah siap lengkap . Tapi dia masih di beranda menghirup udara .

" Amy , jum turun dinner , Amirul dah text ni " and again , kenapa dia text Aliah ?

" Oh , die text ? urm you turun dulu lah . nanti i turun . "

" Lah kenapa ? turun sama sama la " Kononnya memujuk .

" Pergi la dulu , i'll catch up " Amy masih berkeras .

" Hm okay then " Lalu keluar dari bilik .

Aliah menuju ke restaurant di tepi kolam mandi itu dengan perasaan yang sangat gembira . Kelihatan Amirul di meja hujung hairan .

" Mana Amy ? " Soal Amirul .

" Dia kata kejap lagi dia turun "

" Kenapa ? dia tak sihat ke ? "

" Lah mana lah i tau ! dia sihat ke tak ke , dah u ni kenapa ? tak happy langsung ke dapat spend time dua orang macam ni ? nak jugak si Amy tu . "

" Eh cakap tu pelan pelan sikit boleh tak ? u nak Amy dengar ke ? Ye la i happy dapat spend time dengan you . Tapi i takut jugak Amy tau hubungan kita ni . "

" Erm ye la , but don't worry , Amy tu naif . Dia tak akan tau "

Setiap kata kata yang keluar dari bibir Amirul dan Aliah , semuanya didengari oleh Amy . Terlalu Asyik mereka berborak sehinggakan Amy yang tercegat dibelakang Aliah pun tidak disedari .

Air mata Amy deras membasahi pipi dan dress putih yang kononnya menjadi kegemaran Amirul jika Amy memakainya .

Memang Amy tidak pernah bersangka buruk terhadap mereka berdua , tetapi hari ini hatinya kuat mengatakan dia ditipu . Baru kini dia sedari kenapa Amirul tidak pernah mahu memutuskan apa apa tentang hubungan mereka . Rupa rupanya , dia telah jatuh cinta dengan Aliah . Mereka berhubung secara sembunyi .

" Korangg , alamak korang sorry lah doe . Tidur lambat skype dengan cinta hati i " Kata kata Aliah pagi sebelum mereka bertolak terngiang ngiang di kepala Amy , dan mencetuskan marah bercampur kecewa . Tangannya laju menginggah pipi gebu Aliah . Bertambah merahnya . Mungkin sudah cukup lama Amy bersabar . Lantas Amy berlari meninggalkan mereka .Amirul mengejar Amy sehingga ke sebuah taman bersebelahan hotel .

" You , stop . please let me explain " Amirul memujuk .

" You nak explain apa lagi ? cukup la u . i tak nak dendam dengan you . so it's better if u diam je "

" I sayangkan you Amy , bagi lah i peluang . Yes i dah buat salah , i akui i salah sangat . I perlukan u . Forgive me "

" I forgive you , but i'd never forget what you did . Aku benci kau , Aku benci jatuh cinta dengan kau ! "

Amy pulang ke Kuala Lumpur bersama hati yang luka , Perjalanan yang kononnya untuk melepaskan beban dan penat bekerja bertukar menjadi kisah sedih yang tak dapat dilupakan oleh Amy , Kawan baik sendiri . Kekasih hati sendiri . Membelot dan menghacurkan hati . Dan sekali lagi air mata Amy mengalir tanpa henti sambil menatap gambar dia , Amirul dan Aliah di screen handphone nya .

" Aku benci jatuh cinta" Bisik hati Amy .

Kanchik Baju Biru Full .

2011-07-08T23:59:00.000-07:00

CHANGKAT BUKIT BINTANG , sabtu .

Boom Boom boom boom ! kuat bunyi muzik menghentak hentak dinding kelab ini ...

" weh , kau kenal tak kanchik tu , yang baju biru tu ? " jerit amran cuba mengalahkan bunyi muzik .

" mana mana ? mana ada kanchik yang aku tak kenal .. yang mana satu nih ? " Balas Affy bangga .

" Eih kau ni , berlagak kat situ ! haha , yang baju biru kilau kilau tu lah bro "

" Oh ha yang tu , aku tak kenal . " dengan muka selamba .

" Bodoh tadi cakap kenal semua " Amran membalas kasar .

" Asal ngan dia ? kau minat ? try lah .. Aku tak taste awek awek club ni , menyesal tak guna nanti "

" Tak de lah , aku tengok dia dance dari tadi , cun doh "

" Tak minat , ada paham ? dah lahh , bising lah sini . aku nak layan kepala aku "

Walaupun Affy menolak terang terang , tetapi ada sedetik rasa di hati yang dia mula menyukai gerak geri gadis itu , tapi dia masih keras dengan pendirian diri nya , no more club girl ! pesan mommy katanya . Pesan mommy jangan merokok , jangan minum arak , jangan buat dosa tak pula dia ingat .

Awal pagi itu dipenuhi manusia , muzik dan bau yang kuat ...

Bilik Affy , 6.30 am .

Tok Tok Tok , "Affy .. mommy nak pergi kerja ni " jelas ibu Affy .

" Ye mie , pergi pergi " balas Affy dengan suara yang mengantok dan tidak berdaya , kepala nya pening , hangover lagi ..

Terus disambung tidur nya yang terganggu , Dia baru sahaja melelapkan mata satu jam yang lalu , dalam keaadaan separuh sedar memasuki rumah dari pintu belakang .

beep beep beep beep ...

" AHHHH , siapa lagi yang kacau ni ! " terus dicapai handphone nya dengan kasar sambil menygeyit ngeyit matanya , ya lah baru bangun tidur , mata pun belum betul betul bangun , sedikit kabur pandangan nya ..

" Sayang , awak dah bangun ? jom lunch nak ? i lama la tak jumpa you , Aniq pun dah lama tak jumpa you . Rindu . "

Bbm yang dihantar oleh Nurain , berkedut kedut dahinya memikir kan perkara yang penting seperti , bangun mandi .

Ikut kan hati , boleh saja dia menyambung mimpi indah sambungan changkat semalam , tetapi bila difikirkan tentang Aniq , tak sampai hati dibuat nya .

" okay , saya jumpa awak dengan Aniq pukul 1 , dekat kelab daddy , saya nak mandi jap " balas Affy .

Kelab Darul Ehsan , coffee house .

Kereta BMW Affy menyusur masuk parkin kereta bersebelah kereta Harrier hitam . Cermin nya tinted , betul betul tinted , hanya kelihatan pantulan cahaya matahari sahaja di cermin kereta itu . Sebaik dibuka pintu kereta nya pantas berlari seorang budak lelaki dalam usia 5 tahun ke arah pintu kereta Affy .

" PAPA ! " jerit budak lelaki itu .

" Aniq , anak papa sihat ? nakal tak ? " terus dipeluk budak lelaki itu dan dicium cium pipi nya .

" sihat , gigi aniq yang tepi ni dah patah , tapi jangan risau ! nenek cakap nanti dia tumbuh lagi " balas Aniq pelat dengan muka nya yang sangat teruja .

Affy hanya mampu ketawa melihat gelagat anak lelaki nya itu , Anak lelaki nya yang dilahirkan tanpa surat nikah antara Affy dan Nurain . Nurain adalah seorang gadis yang Affy kenal semasa mereka di London sama sama menuntut pelajaran dalam bidang undang undang . Nurain kini adalah seorang Peguam , tetapi Affy tidak memilih peguam sebagai kerjaya nya , selepas tamat pengajian nya di london dia pulang ke Malaysia dan teruskan minat nya sebagai seorang pemain muzik . Dia hanya puaskan hati daddy dan mommy . Hati dia belum puas .

Oh ya berbalik kepada Nurain , dia adalah bekas isteri Affy , mereka terpaksa berkahwin selepas mendapati bahawa Nurain telah mengandungkan anak Affy . Tak perlu aku cerita bagaimana ia terjadi kan ? tetapi perkahwinan mereka hanya tahan beberapa tahun . Nurain tidak ubah ubah dengan sikap nya yang dahulu , semasa di london . Balik sahaja mabuk , balik sahaja mabuk , macam cerita Anak ku Sazeli tu . Affy juga sibuk dengan gig gig nya , recording bagai .

Akhir nya , jatuh talak satu ...

" Hey , handsome you hari ni " Nurain memuji sambil tersenyum manis , jelas lesung pipit nya kelihatan .

" Eh hye , you sihat ? " Affy cuba menukar topik , walaupun dalam hati mengia ia kan pujian itu .

" Sihat , jom lah masuk . Panas pulak kat luar ni . "

" Papa Aniq nak makan burger tau ! " Aniq manyampuk .

" ye ye , apa apa pun boleh , papa belanja okay ? " Affy memujuk ...

Mereka berpisah secara rela , diantara Affy dan Nurain . Tetapi dalam diam diam Nurain sebenarnya masih mencintai Affy , hati nya tidak pernah berubah dari kali pertama berjumpa Affy , hingga lah ke hari terakhir .

" Ini makanan yang Encik dan Puan order , saya akan hantar dessert kemudian ye " jelas pelayan perempuan bersanggul siput itu dengan sopan .

Mereka pun terus menjamu selera , Affy tidak lepas melayan telatah Aniq . Affy memotong motong daging burger hingga menjadi ketulan ketulan kecil supaya senang di jamah Aniq , Tidak dapat dinafikan , Affy memang sayangkan Aniq . Cuma dia masih belum bersedia menjadi Papa yang betul , itu katanya lah .

" Awak , saya ada perkara nak bincang kan . Kejap lagi kita biarkan Aniq main main kat taman dulu boleh ? " Nurain memandang Affy sirius .

" Em , boleh boleh . Tapi tak boleh lama lama , saya ada hal kejap lagi . " Sengaja Affy tidak mahu meluangkan masa yang lama dengan Nurain dan Aniq . Mungkin dia takut , takut dia tak dapat jadikan mereka hanya perkara kecil , takut akan terlebih menyayangi Aniq .

" Aniq nak main buai kejap ye , papa tunggu Aniq dekat sini " comel kata kata nya yang pelat itu , sentiasa membuat Affy tersenyum .

Nurain dan Affy duduk di bangku sambil melihat Aniq bermain main ..

" Awak nak cakap apa tadi ? " Affy mula .

" Oh , a'ah . Saya malas nak panjang panjang cerita dengan awak . Jujur nya saya nak Aniq ada keluarga macam orang lain .. Kita rujuk ? "

" Aniq do have a family , he got me , he got you , mommy daddy and ur mom and dad ! , Apa lagi u mintak ? "

" I dont mean that Affy ! i mean a real family , macam orang lain . please Affy .. "

" Sorry babe , i can't stand you . Tiap tiap malam Ain . You never change ! "

" But i've change ! percayalah Affy , i berubah sebab you , sebab Aniq . I want us back Affy " lantas berair mata Nurain kecewa ..

" Ain , dont cry ... saya minta maaf tinggi kan suara dengan awak . sorry okay ?? i just can't do it yet Ain .. be a husband , be a father .. its just not me " Affy memujuk dengan suara nya yang masih penuh dengan kasih sayang .

Setiap kali Nurain cuba meyuarakan tentang hal ini , Affy pasti melenting dan bersikap devensive ..

" Aniq salam papa , kita nak balik dah " Kata nurain , suara nya serak serak akibat menangis tadi . Terus di pakai shade hitam dari Fossil menutup mata nya yang merah .

" Alaaaa papa dah nak balik ke ? Aniq kira berapa saat je kita jumpa tadi " Suara Aniq dengan penuh kecewa .

" Nanti kita jumpa la lagi okay ? papa janji , next time kita pergi Sunway Lagoon nak ? "

" YAY ! promise k papa ? " Dia sangat innocent ..

Tingkap kereta Harrier dibuka luas , kelihatan Aniq melambai lambai papa nya dari dalam kereta .. Vrommmm laju dipecut kereta Harrier berkenaan .

Party Amran , Kachik baju biru .

" Wei kau datang lambat apsal ? masuk masuk " Teriak Amran yang separuh sedar separuh tidak , mabuk agak nya .

Hari itu adalah hari jadi Amran yang ke 26 , masih tak berubah . bergelimpangan botol botol arak dan tin tin beer di dalam rumah nya . Amran adalah seorang anak arkitek , kedua dua Ibu dan Ayah nya Arkitek .

" Amran ! Encik Arshad tak marah ke kau buat party kat rumah dia ni ? " Soal Affy sambil ketawa

" Oh dia tak tahu pun , Ayah dengan Ibu outstation . Jumaat balik , Apa lagi kan ? PARTYYY !! layan diri bro "

" Ahaa okay okay .. "

Affy bagaikan bisu , tiada mood , hanya duduk di sofa sambil ditogak air coke ke mulut nya . Jauh dia termenung sambil melihat gelagat gelagat mat dan minah minah mabuk .

" You ada lighter tak ? " Kedengaran suara seorang perempuan ..

" oh nah nah .. " dihulurkan lighter sambil memandang wajah manis gadis tersebut . Macam kenal wajah gadis itu , Mata nya terpaku memandang gerak gadis itu menghidup kan api membakar rokok dikepil di bibirnya .

" Here you go , thanks eh ! i keluar dulu eh , panas dalam ni "

Mata nya masih terpaku , Oh ya ! dia teringat . Kanchik baju biru di changkat tempoh hari , Hati nya bertanya tanya soalan , Kenapa dia kat sini ? dia siapa ? siapa namanya ? tapi lama kelamaan Affy sedar , kalau tanya diri sendiri darimana jawapan nak datang kan ? lalu dia mengekori gadis tersebut keluar .

Di atas buai kayu jati milik keluarga Amran mereka memulakan bicara , Bulan penuh jadi saksi mereka .

" Aih , nak teman i ke ? " Soal nya sambil ketawa kecil .

" Oh ahaa , i saja nak hirup udara segar , betul kata you , panas kat dalam tu "

" Ahaha i know . Panas dosa la . cium sana sini . langgah itu ini " Dia senyum sinis .

" You tak minum ? "

" eh mesti lah minum , i paling favorite air kelapa You ? " Dia ketawa kerana sedar akan sikap nya yang loyar buruk .

" Ahaha , okay i kena "

" No i tak minum , i smoker je you .. "

" The other day i nampak you dekat changkat , dancing your spirit out "

" Oh really ? u were there ? i memang suka menari , i go to clubs just to dance .. "

" Betul ke ? i mean , ok that's weird ... "

" No its not " Balas gadis yang tidak ditanya nama itu sambil ketawa lagi .

Nama dia Dahlia , dia student Taylor's college . Mereka berborak panjang . Chemistry mereka jelas terjalin dari setiap sudut ... tetapi , yang pelik nya .. soalan yang bermain di minda Affy tadi , satu pun tak keluar . NO , not even one . Pelik bukan ? mereka akhir nya pulang tanpa mengenali nama masing masing , tetapi Affy pulang dengan 10 digit dan senyuman . Cuma malam itu dia terlalu letih untuk mulakan perkenalan dan bagi nya , dia masih perlukan masa untuk pastikan apa yang dia buat ni betul . berbeza dengan Dahlia yang mengharap kan satu misscall dari nombor asing ..

Battle Of The Band , semifinals .

" And our last band for tonight , lead by Mr Affy Kamarul .. The Scars !!! " Band Affy mempunya ramai peminat , terutama dari golongan rakan rakan indie nya . Kedengar sorakan yang kuat , jeritan gadis gadis comel memenuhi ruang bunyi .

" Dan Band yang terakhir akan ke peringkat akhir adalah , THE SCARS ! "

Ya , band dia memang popular dan boleh diakui agak berbakat dan hebat . Muzik mereka yang berunsur kan modern rock menjadi sebab utama mereka diminati ..

Selepas sahaja upacara tamat , dia dan band mate nya yang lain termasuk Amran sebagai pemain drum beredar ke restoran berdekatan , celebrate kemenangan kata mereka . di pusing pusing straw dalam gelas panjang berisi kan jus oren itu , sambil mata memandang telefon bimbit nya . Jelas number Dahlia di skrin .. " Kachik Baju Biru " memang tak ada nama lain ke nak save ? Anyway , hati nya masih berdebar debar . Terus butang hijau di tekan ..

.♪.♫.Woooahhh , i never meant to brag , but i got him where i want him now..♪.♫ , kuat sekali caller ringtone Dahlia .

" Hello ? " kedengaran suara manis itu sekali lagi ..

" Hello , you .. I ni . Kawan Amran kat party semalam . Ingat lagi ? " Soal Affy dengan suara nya yang ketar ketar (nervous aku rasa)

" Eh kawan Amran ? ish salah nombor ni bang . Amran Atuk saya "

" Eh ye ke ? aduh sorry sorry , saya salah dial la nih "

" Salah dial ? tipu ! hahaha , betul lah number I . Panggil i Dahlia " Jelas dia sambil ketawa terbahak bahak .

" Aduh , jangan la macam tu .. kecut perut tau ? " Affy tak habis habis di main kan dengan perangai loyar buruk di Dahlia .

Lagi dibalas dengan ketawa ..

" You kat mana ni Dahlia ? " Affy cuba menukar topik

" I kat rumah la Encik no name " perli ..

" Haha , i Affy .. "

" Hye Affy ! kenapa ah ? " soal nya lagi .

" err Hye , jum keluar nak ? i pick you up "

" Oh , orite broo . i stay kat ... " diberi alamat dan landmark nya ..

Mereka keluar , as a date . Dua dua , jalan jalan makan angin lepak lepak ..

Tiba tiba Affy terdiam , wajah nya seakan akan terkejut , Ditanya kenapa berulang ulang kali .. Affy hanya terdiam . Rupa rupanya Nurain dan Aniq betul betul di hadapan mereka berdua . Seperti biasa , Aniq menjerit gembira " PAPA !!! "

" Eh ! anak papa buat apa kat sini ? " terus didukung Aniq yang innocent , Affy tidak mampu berkata apa apa . Muka nya gelisah , takut takut ada salah faham diantara dia dan Dahlia .

" Hye , nama siapa ? " soal Dahlia kepada Aniq , muka nya selamba . Tidak marah , tidak ada sedikit kecewa pun . Mungkin dia seorang yang memahami , atau dia tidak mahu apa apa yang tidak diingini berlaku dalam keadaan orang ramai disekeliling mereka .

" Hey ! " sapa Nurain juga dengan muka selamba , kepala otak Affy mulai serabut . Apa mereka ni berpakat kah ? dua dua pun relax saja . Keluh hati nya ..

" Hye , saya Dahlia "

" Hye , Nurain , and itu Aniq . Our son "

" Oh , cool . i didnt know Affy have a son . but i don't blame him , we barely know each other pun " Balas Dahlia , seolah olah memerli Affy .

" Oh ye ke , takpe . Affy mesti ada penjelasan dia . You better hear him out , sebab i can't explain it to you infront of Aniq "

Nurain tidak mahu buruk kan keaadaan , walaupun hati nya seakan akan remuk , cemburu akan kehadiran Dahlia . Mungkin betul Nurain sudah banyak berubah , dia redha dengan apa yang sedang berlaku .

" Okay we got to go , jum Aniq "

" Alaaaa , again ? asyik asyik jumpa papa sekejap ... " dahinya berkedut kedut .

" Aniq .. kan papa dah janji ? next time ? " Affy memujuk Aniq

" Ye la ye la . " Aniq menjawab dengan suara nya yang down .

" papa kan dah promise .. " Affy memujuk sambil memandang muka aniq yang monyok .

" Okay pa , i miss you " pelat .

" Alright , that's a good boy . i love youuu " Dicium pipi anak lelaki nya itu berulang ulang kali .

" Salam papa , salam Auntie Dahlia .. "

" Byebye Aniq , nanti kita jumpe lagi okay ? auntie belanja ice cream . Nak ? " Dahlia juga cuba memujuk .

" Nakk ! " Aniq membalas teruja . sekali lagi , dia innocent .

Mcdonald'd Bukit Bintang , explanation .

" Sorry , I tak bagitau you . I nak bagitau you . Tapi , ni pun first time kita jumpa balik kan ? "

" It's okay , just explain . I tak marah pun kan ? "

" Hm , macam ni .. " Affy pun memulakan cerita , cerita nya sangat detail , dari hari pertama dia berada di london , hingga hari terakhir perkahwinan Dia dan Nurain ..

Muka Dahlia tekun mendengar cerita , sambil dihabiskan kentang goreng dan air coke .

Dahlia tidak terkejut , dan memahami Affy sepenuhnya ..

Sambil tersenyum Dahlia bersuara " Okay ! saya faham semua " ..

Kata kata Dahlia membuat Affy jatuh cinta akan sikap nya yang sangat memahami , sangat tenang .

Dahlia diibaratkan bidadari , terus dikarang kan lirik lirik cinta didalam hatinya .

Sunway Lagoon , papa promise .

" Aniqqq ! " jerit Dahlia .

" Hye auntie , mana ice cream ? " soalnya jujur .

" Alaa auntie nak beli tadi , tapi Aniq lambat sangat . Auntie takut mealting ice cream tu , takpe lepas mandi mandi kita beli okay ? "

" Okay ! " Dibalas dengan senyuman .

Angin sepoi sepoi membisik bisik di telinga petang itu , Aniq dan papa nya bermain main di pantai buatan manusia itu . Tinggal lah Dahlia dan Nurain di bawah payung , mereka berdua hanya terdiam tidak ada apa apa topik yang sesuai hendak dibincangkan , jelas sekali kedua dua mereka cemburu diantara satu sama lain . Mereka hanya memandang Affy dan Aniq bermain main air , secara tidak sengaja Dahlia menoleh dan terlihat wajah Nurain yang sedang tersenyum melihat gelagat bekas suaminya itu .

" Dia masih sayang kan Affy ke ? " bisik Dahlia dalam hatinya ..

" So how's your relationship with Affy so far ? " Nurain bertanya .

" Okay okay je " Balas Dahlia dengan senyuman .

" Oh , good to hear "

Nak tanya ke tak , nak tanya ke tak ? Dahlia berbisik lagi . Dahlia hanya mahukan kepastian , dia tidak mahu menjadi perampas kebahagian orang lain , walaupun dia tahu Affy tidak lagi menyayangi Nurain , tetapi bagaimana pula Nurain ?

" Ain , I nak tanya something boleh ? "

" Yes ? "

" You masih sayang kan Affy ? Honest dengan i please ? i sumpah tak akan bagitau Affy apa apa " jelasnya

" Hm , susah la Dahlia , i dont want to ruin anything between you two "

" Trust me , nothing will be ruin because of you "

" Yes , i do . But that doesnt make any different "

" Sorry Ain , i tak tahu pun "

" Eh takde apa apa lah , lagipun Affy dah tak sayangkan i . Dia sayang kan you "

Kata kata Nurain itu telah memberi impak yang sangat kuat , Dahlia hanya mampu diam ..

3 minggu kemudian , rumah sewa Dahlia .

Tok Tok Tok ..

" Ye ? cari siapa ? " Khairunnisa . teman serumah Dahlia menjawab .

" Dahlia ada ? saya dah seminggu cari dia . call tak angkat , msg tak reply . She even block me from facebook , Dia okay ke ? "

" Hm , you nak jumpa dia ke ? ni alamat rumah mak ayah dia dekat Perak . You patut pergi sana "

" Oh , okay thanks ya "

" Sama.. " Nisa tak mampu memberi apa apa jawapan , muka nya kelihatan sedih . Ia membuat Affy lebih kusut dan berserabut memikirkan Dahlia .

Perak Darul Ridzuan , kampung Dahlia .

Sampai sahaja dia di perkarangan rumah Ibu dan Ayah Dahlia , kelihatan seorang gadis di hadapan rumah itu , wajah nya mirip mirip Dahlia , tapi tu bukan Dahlia .

" Assalammualaikum "

" Waalaikummussalam , cari siapa ? "

" Mak Ayah ada ? "

" Ada , nanti kejap .. "

" Ye encik , cari siapa ? Soal perempuan tua , Ibu Dahlia mungkin .

" Makcik ni emak Dahlia ke ? "

" Ye saya " balas nya dengan suara sebak

" Dahlia ada makcik ? saya dah seminggu cari dia . "

" Dahlia ? " belum sempat dihabis kan ayat nya , Ibunya menangis dan terus masuk ke dalam rumah .

" Kenapa abang ni cari Kak Dahlia ? Abang ni nama siapa ? "

" Abang ni teman lelaki kak Dahlia , Nama abang Affy "

" Oh Affy ? Abang , saya harap abang dapat terima berita ni dengan redha , Kak Dahlia sudah meninggal dunia 2 hari lepas . Dia ada tinggal kan abang surat . Abang Abang ?...

Suara adik Dahlia semakin jauh ditelinga , nafas nya hampir terhenti .. tidak dijangka , langsung tidak dijangka .

Dahlia menghidap penyakit kanser perut dua tahun lepas . selepas beberapa kali menjalani kimoterapi , Dahlia pulih . Tetapi beberapa bulan selepas itu kanser nya kembali , dan kali ini . Tiada lagi harapan untuk dia sembuh .

Dahlia pergi meninggalkan Affy , namun kepergian nya ditinggalkan dengan satu harapan ..

Affy ,

Dahlia minta maaf banyak banyak , dari hujung rambut hingga hujung kaki .

Mungkin saat surat ini dibaca Dahlia tidak lagi berada disisi Affy .

Bukan Dahlia tak mahu cerita tapi Dahlia tidak mahu kesedihan sepanjangan perkenalan kita .

Dahlia bahagia dengan Affy . Sumpah ..

Dahlia tahu dahlia tak lama di dunia ni , dan Dahlia mahu berterima kasih kepada Nurain kerana meminjam kan Affy .

Affy , I wish you would get back together with Nurain .

Dahlia harap sangat Affy . Saya nak Aniq ada keluarga , keluarga yang saya impikan untuk punyai . Tapi bukan takdir saya kan awak ?

Jangan sia sia kan kasih sayang seseorang terhadapan kita . Berilah peluang untuk mereka berubah .

Terima Kasih atas kasih sayang awak dalam masa yang singkat ini . Hadir nya Dahlia dalam hidup Affy hanya untuk sementara . Terimalah takdir kita . Takdir Affy dan Nurain .. terima kasih Affy , Awak lah orang terakhir yang saya cintai .

Assalammualikum ..

Nurul Dahlia Abdullah .

Buat pertama kalinya Affy menitiskan air mata . Dia hanya mampu menahan dirinya dari rebah ..

Rumah Affy , takdir .

" Papa , petang ni Aniq ada tusyen . Can you send me ? " Tutur Aniq dengan jelas sekali .

" Okay okay "

Sudah 5 tahun tragedi Dahlia dan Affy berlalu .

Aniq sudah pun meningkat remaja , Dua tahun selepas Dahlia meninggal Affy kembali bersama Nurain .

Affy mengambil masa yang lama untuk ubat kan luka dan rindu nya terhadap Dahlia .

Tetapi kini , Affy mulai sedar akan kata kata Dahlia . Takdir Affy dan Nurain ...

" Berakhirlah kisah Nurul Dahlia Abdullah , gadis yang memberi aku cahaya dan kesedaran " Bisik hati Affy

" B , Lunch in ready " suara Nurain mencelah

" Be right there sayang "

" Selamat tinggal Kanchik Baju Biru " .......

He has commitment

2011-07-08T23:58:00.000-07:00

He is someone i look up too .

He is not my brother but ,

He acts like one and i love him like one .

He use to teach me stuff .

Stuff that not all teachers would ,

And stuff not all of you can do .

He starts to stay away and further away .

In a way he doesn't notice ,

He started to have commitment .

He knows how he is .

and he know who he is to me .

But he took some risk .

As He set the bar .

He took it so far .

And He ,

He has commitment .

That was the last .

And it happen so fast .

And my eyes put a waves on that day .

Because he has commitment .

Days by Days .

People change , people go and some stay .

Months more to years .

And accept it my dear ,

He has commitment .

God , i'm praying .

Bless his journey and his life and his family to be .

Make it easy , make it breezy .

He deserve happy .

Oh and one more ,

make it easy for me too . Please

Because it's not easy for me now .

I can't go with this .

Because everything is different now as .

He has commitment .

Ego nya engkau ni .

2011-07-08T23:57:00.000-07:00

Ceritera Bermula .

" Kak!nak sepoloh ringgit,nak beli topup"

" Memang aku cop duit pun"

Simple sahaja ayat tu , tapi sekurang kurang nya bersuara , berbalas , Kami bercakap . - Adura

Aku Adura Darman , Panggil Dee cukup . Tahun ni aku 21 tahun dan masih tinggal dengan keluarga . Keluarga yang kecil . Aku , Adik dan Kakak . hmm Kakak , dah lebih 3 tahun kami tak bercakap . But why ? ye memang aku tahu korang akan tanya . Sebab aku ego dan dia bodoh !

Well , it all started when gelang emas kesayangan kawan karib kakak aku hilang , dan kawan nya sendiri terjumpa gelang tangan emas yang sama di atas meja solek aku . Kata nya dia tidak menuduh , cuma dia MISSPLACED gelang tu . Erm tak tuduh eh ? Okay anyway . Kakak nasihat aku , itu ini bla bla dan blaa tapi agak kasar dan amat menyakitkan hati . Apa aku buat ? Gelang tangan itu milik Adeen , Arwah Adeen . Sebelum dia pergi , dia hadiahkan aku gelang tu . Sempena Hari jadi aku yang ke 18 .

Jadi mustahil lah gelang tangan itu milik Yatee (kawan karib kakak) kan ?

Darah muda aku membuak buak dan aku mulakan mogok non-talking , erk tak pernah dengar ? lebih kurang silent treatment lah . Okay back to point A , kami memang ego . hari berganti hari , bulan demi bulan bertukar menjadi tahun .

Mungkin kah aku yang ego ? pfttt mana mungkin . (orang yang ego memang tak akan mengaku diri nya ego )

" Hidup ni sementara je dik , sampai bila kau nak berdiam macam nih . Liya tu darah daging kau dik " - bebel ibu dengan sleng Kelantan nya .

" Bu , semua molek molek ja . kalau tak bercakap dengan dia . aman hidup adik " - Balas ku dengan nada perli

Lantas beredar dari ruang dapur ... , NOTE ; aku bukan orang kelantan . kami semua berasal dari Thailand , Kha Thailand Number one :)

Ceritera hampir habis .

Pokok jambu ni lah tempat aku mencari ketenangan atau idea idea untuk assigment yang menimbun tu .

Sambil rambut dibelai belai angin aku terfikir , Kenapa aku marah sangat dengan kakak ? Bukan nya besar kesalahan dia .

Lastas memori memori aku bermain Tai - tee , choong sana sini pastikan otak aku mengeluarkan memori yang betul .

Oh ya ! Fareed . eh salah nada , FAREED ! dia , mungkin dia lah sebab utama .

Kakak , dia seorang yang penuh cita cita . masa kecil kecil selain noh salleh , kakak la idola aku , aku suka akan cerita nya ingin berjaya , bagi aku kakak seorang yang tabah dan penuh dengan impian yang tinggi tinggi . Aku yakin dan sangat percaya dia akan capai segala cita cita nya hingga lah ke hari Fareed muncul . Grrr

Fareed ialah tunang kakak , Ya kini tunang dan akan berkahwin tidak lama lagi . Apa yang korang tak tahu is , sebelum kes gelang emas tu , Kami dah banyak bergaduh (kakak dan aku) . Kerana Fareed telah dengan tidak sengaja nya mengawal hidup kakak tanpa disedari sesiapa pun . Tapi aku sedar .

Selepas perkenalan kakak dengan Fareed , sedikit demi sedikit kakak berubah .

Masanya makin kurang diluangkan bersama aku , Fareed Fareed Fareed ! eee benci gila !

" Aku cemburu kah ? ee memang tak lah ! " jerit aku dalam hati .

Dan cita cita kakak makin kabur dan hilang dari pandangan aku . *Mengeluh

Terus aku tersedar , selama aku diam dan tidak bertutur dengan kakak ni , Punca nya bukan gelang emas ..

Punca nya aku hilang idola , kawan baik dan kakak aku . Aku hilang dia , percaya lah aku hilang .

Kerana sikap aku yang langsung tidak matang , aku terus pergi dan pergi jauh .

Mungkin aku penat , aku selalu sahaja kehilangan . Dan kini , sebelum aku betul betul hilang seseorang dari hidup aku , lebih baik aku beredar .

"Tapi patut kah ? Benar kah leputusan ini akan membuat aku bahagia ?"

Sambil berjalan kaki menuju pulang ke rumah , nyala sebatang rokok . asap berkepul kepul menutup mata yang jelas nya berair .

"A wise man once said , just go with the flow bro - his not so wise but i'll go with his philisophy for now ."

The end .

- Ye , cerita ni memang tergantung dan tak ada ending sebab .. sebab? sebab belum berakhir lagi la kisah ni . kalau dah end nanti saya sambung lah :)

AKU DAN DIA , atau DIA DAN AKU ?

2011-07-08T23:56:00.000-07:00

" Jom Keluar , I dah bosan sangat ni you " Aliah merengek , seakan akan bayi yang baru boleh bercakap .

" Nanti kejap I call Hairi , mungkin dia boleh jemput kita . " - Balas aku sambil tersenyum sinis .

Aku tahu , Aliah memang sudah lama suka kan Hairi , sengaja aku mengajak Hairi walaupun kereta kumbang milik ayah tiada siapa yang guna .

Bingit telinga aku menunggu Hairi mengangkat telefon nya , kedengaran lagu berunsur Hardcore sebagai Caller Ringtone nya .

" Hello , assalammualaikum ? " Jawab Hairi

" Waalaikummussalam , Ri kau kat mana ? Lepak jom . "

" Rumah , baru lepas mandi . Lepak mana , siapa lagi ? "

" Lepak Bukit Bintang lah , Aliah ada dengan aku ni "

" OKAY lah macam tu , tunggu aku kat taman macam biasa , K bai ! "

Eh belum sempat aku cakap bai dah letak ? Betul teruja kau nak jumpa Aliah , bisik aku .

Bukit Bintang , 4.45 pm .

Kami bertiga berjalan kehulur kehilir bagai tiada arah tujuan , mata aku liar . Kiri kanan jalan aku pandang .

Sesak nya , ramai nya manusia , tak lemas kah mereka ?

Aku sebenarnya kusut , aku sebenarnya patah hati , aku sebenarnya kecewa , dan sebenarnya macam lagu Yuna .

Haishh , lantang aku mengeluh , " Kita nak pergi mana ni ?" .

Tanpa sebarang jawapan , mereka berdua hanya menaik naik kan bahu tanda tidak tahu .

" Kita lepak luar lah , sesak sangat lah dalam mall ni . aku rimas "

Okay ! serentak Aliah dan Hairi bersetuju dengan pendapat aku .

Terus kami menuju ke pintu keluar , baru sahaja aku menapak kaki kanan di luar pintu . perhatian aku dialih .

Bintang bersinar , dia .

Susuk badannya segak , kacak pada pandangan mata aku , tak terkelip mata memandang .

" WOI ! " sergah Aliah sambil menepuk bahu aku .

" You nih , tak reti bagi salam ke . Terkejut tau tak ? "

" Hik hik , sorry lah . You pandang siapa tu ? "

" Erm , tu ha , yang jaga counter kedai baju tu . menarik kan ? okay lah jum . "

" Eh eh , nanti kejap nanti kejap . Jum ? Your not letting this one go la Tasha , I dare You to ask for his phone number . Link Facebook pun jadilah Yang " Pujuk Aliah dengan penuh manja .

Aku tahu , Aliah hanya mahu kan aku bahagia . Macam dulu .

" Eish , Dia tu jauh tandingan nya dari aku , entah entah dah ada girlfriend You "

" Pergi lah try , Please ? for me ? "

" Iaaa lahh " aku hanya mampu senyum , dah macam macam Aliah cuba untuk dapat kan kembali senyuman aku yang dulu .

Mungkin aku setuju kerana aku kesian akan Aliah , teman baik aku dari sekolah menengah .

Sejujurnya , ikut kan hati . berbelah bagi , aku masih luka . luka aku masih panas .

Aku mula , dia suka .

" Erm , hye" aku sapa dia dengan senyuman .

" Hey " muka dia riang sambil menyanyi lagu yang berkumandang di radio mall ini .

" Macam ni lah , jujur nya . Kawan i dare i untuk mintak number telefon you , boleh ? "

" Oh , kawan you .. Okay " Tanpa menghabiskan ayat nya , dia bersetuju dan terus mencatat 10 digit nombor dan selitkan kertas itu ke telapak tangan aku .

" Eh , Thanks ! "

Aku beredar laju , kenapa ? jantung berdebar debar . Aku teruja kah ? Aku sendiri tidak pasti dengan perasaan aku . Perasaan aku seolah olah rosak , dirosak kan oleh seorang yang tak berhati perut . Aku tak dapat pasti kan adakah perasaan aku ini cinta , adakah yang terbang di dalam perut aku ini kupu kupu cinta ? Stop it ! aku tak sanggup lagi Tuhan .

" Tash ! dapat ke babe ? " Aliah menerpa aku dengan teruja .

" Dapat la , tengok la siapa yang mintak " Terus aku ketawa , seolah olah aku gembira . Tapi sayang , semua ini hanya lakonan . Kebenaran nya aku akan pulang dan membanjiri seluruh kawasan perumahan aku .

Hari kami berlalu begitu sahaja , pantas betul masa pergi , kenapa kesakitan tak pergi macam masa ? lagi sekali aku mengeluh .

Malam itu , aku pasti ? .

-Thanks sebab menangkan I dengan dare kawan I tu , Ngada sikit dia tu . :) -

" Nak send ke tak , nak send ke tak " Berkali kali aku menyoal diri sendiri .

SEND! akhirnya . Aku masih keliru dengan tindakan aku .

Tetapi tiada balasan , mungkin dia hanya memberi kemenangan kepada aku . Bukan kejujuran . Lantas di baling manja telefon bimbit ke atas katil .

Beep Beep ~

Pesanan ringkas masuk , dia balas ? atau Aliah yang message ? Jelas nombor telefon yang masih belum disimpan di skrin telefon bimbit ku .

" YES ! dia reply " Aku exited lebih pula . sorry sorry .

" Eh no problem lah , I Adam . You pula ? "

Hati aku melompat lompat teruja , buat pertama kali selepas kejadian itu . Aku gembira !

Malam aku berakhir lewat , tidak henti henti pesanan demi pesanan kami berbalas cerita , semua nya tentang kami , diri aku dan dia . Ya aku dan dia ...

AKU DAN DIA .

Sudah seminggu kami kenal , Aku yakin aku suka kan dia , dan aku juga yakin dia suka kan aku .

First date kami bermula dengan penuh sederhana , hanya di gerai biasa bersembang biasa biasa sahaja , aku malas nak berdialog dialog sebab perkara perkara yang kami borak kan hanya lah perkara biasa sepasang pasangan baru kenal .

Warna kegemaran kau ? Makanan kegemaran kau ? Idola yang kau sanjung ? Kau suka korek hidung ? - Kan aku dah kata normal , mungkin tak semua la . hihi

Semakin lama semakin kuat perasaan aku terhadap dia . Yakin kah aku dengan hubungan kami ini ?

Mungkin kah dia akan kembali ? ya Dia , Aiman . Bagai ditikam tikam jantung aku bila nama Aiman disebut dan diingat .

Ya , Aiman lah penyebab aku jadi begini . Jatuh ke tanah dan luka seluruh jiwa ..

Aku jujur , Aiman masih lagi ada di hati . Aiman masih kuat di sudut jiwa aku yang parah .

Cuma setiap kali Adam ada di depan mata aku , kabur kabur Aiman aku tinggalkan jauh . Tetapi bila Adam jauh di mata , Aiman terus menjadi puntianak menghantui liang roma ku . Bodoh !

Aiman Ariffin , pergi lah jauh jauh .

Aiman , Kau memang bodoh man . Sumpah man , Aku percaya kan Karma . Kau akan jatuh di tangan dia , Perempuan Jalang tu ! Kau janji kan aku kebahagiaan , kesetiaan . Ptuiihh , aku ludah kau dengan penuh hina . *Aku sebak , Memang kata kata aku kejam man , tapi aku terlalu kecewa dengan kau man .

Aku harap kau bahagia dengan dia , dan anak engkau yang tidak berdosa itu .

Selamat tinggal Aiman .

Adam Haiqal , jaga hati saya .

Dia , ada dengan aku setiap malam , setiap pagi dan setiap petang sunyi ku . Walaupun sibuk dengan kerjaya nya . Hati aku tak pernah dia abaikan . Sayang betul dia akan aku , cuma percaya aku tidak lah 100% seperti mana aku jatuh cinta dengan Aiman dahulu . Aku minta maaf Adam , tapi aku jujur sayang kan kau . Bagi aku masa okay ?

Cinta aku menjadi mahal setiap kali hati aku luka .

" Bee , kita ni apa ? Tasha sayang Adam ke tak ? "

" Kita go with the flow okay sayang ? sayang Adam , Sayang sangat "

2 tahun kemudian .

Mungkin semua mengharap kan Adam . Mungkin semua nampak Adam penyelamat jiwa , tetapi Adam tak cukup kuat .

Adam dan aku tak lagi bersama , tapi aku tak kecewa . Aku tak sedih . Kerana ? Ini realiti sayang , hubungan aku dan adam bertahan agak lama , tapi berakhir di tengah jalan .

Mungkin semua orang masih tertanya tanya kenapa bukan kami ? aku bukan manusia sempurna , Walau bagaimana hina , walau bermacam macam jenis makian yang aku tujukan pada Aiman , cinta aku hanya ada pada dia . Mungkin aku masih tak dapat move on ?

Aku terus terang akan perasaan aku yang sebenarnya , yang sejujur nya kepada Adam , tentang Aiman .

Dia tak dapat terima , dia tak dapat menunggu cinta aku untuk beralih . Aku minta maaf Adam . Benar aku minta maaf , aku kesal memulakan dan memberi kau harapan .

Aku masih disini , bodoh perempuan ini .

Aku tak menunggu Aiman , aku tak mengharapkan Aiman . Betul tidak . Tapi aku msih belum sedia untuk melupakan Aiman . Melupakan kasih sayang dia . Fikiran aku masih lagi berfikiran positif .

Mungkin apa yang jadi malam itu , tidak diduga . Dia tidak sengaja .

Disebabkan air kencing syaitan yang menghilang kan akal dia , dia telah melakukan zina dengan kawan baik aku sendiri .

Dan perempuan bodoh ini kandung kan anak Aiman . Aku ! sepatutnya kandung anak dia , aku mahu ke jinjang pelamin bersama dia Sara , kenapa kau bodoh !

Tapi , cakap sekarang pun tak guna kan ? aku redha ..

"Ya Allah Ya Tuhan aku , kau kuat kan lah hati aku . Kau lindungi aku dari segala kesakitan Ya Allah . Kau berikan lah aku kekuatan untuk teruskan hidup ini , Amin Ya Robbal Al Amin . "

Dan hidup aku seperti ombak di lautan , aku terumbang ambing .

Aku dah terbiasa

2011-07-08T23:54:00.000-07:00

Aku adalah seorang yang tak percaya pada cinta terhadap seorang kekasih , Lagi ..

Se-klise klise as it sounds , tapi betul . Mungkin juga kerana aku melibatkan diri dalam alam couple couple ni terlalu awal .

Sampai apa pun kata kata yang keluar dari mulut lelaki yang , yes mahukan perhatian . Bagi aku Boooringggg :)

Sebab aku dah selalu dengar , Ia terlalu biasa . Aku dah terbiasa .

Aku juga dah fed-up dengan tunggu menunggu , i mean what is it all about . you love me , i love you . and yaaa , that's it ?

Sorry , I just found out that i'm totally allergic to Bull*tetttt , whopps :)

Tapi aku juga bersyukur , yes i'm so thankful . Sebab walau macam mana cara aku elak pun , ada saja yang masih mencuba , mencuba menjadi yang luar biasa mungkin ?

" Hey dah makan ? "

" Kenapa dengan mimpi buruk you malam malam tu ? u ok ? "

" Nak tengok wayang tak ? i belanja . "

" I rasa i boleh jaga hati u , tak macam ex ex you yang lain "

*Semua kata kata di atas tak ada kena mengena dengan yang hidup atau yang telah meninggal dunia .

Tapi bagi aku , janji janji mereka mereka ini . Sama sahaja seperti mereka mereka yang sebelum ini . So apa yang buat janji kali ini berbeza ? Okay okay , aku akui . Kemungkinan besar aku takut ? .

Ada , ada lelaki yang berpaut di hati , tapi aku masih jauh di hati mereka .

Dan sekarang , perkara perkara yang aku lakukan hanya bersama teman yang aku tahu tak akan kecewakan aku , tak akan memperkosa hati aku hingga hilang daranya , hilang percayanya , tak akan jadi penyebab jatuh nya air mata . Engkau boleh ?

Dan aku yang tak mampu menunggu mahu pun mencari . Hanya hidup dengan arus , membawa aku ke-kiri , ke-kanan , Kadang kadang ke belakang , tapi belum pernah kehadapan .

Tipu lah kalau aku cakap aku tak sunyi , tak kurang perhatian . Tapi ...

Aku dah terbiasa , sorang sorang pun tak apa :)

It's complicated

2011-04-11T04:42:00.000-07:00

Leave ..

It's turning dull , my life's turning grey and full of dust . you sweep away my heart million of times and you broke them . what am i ? just stop me from loving you , please . i got a life of my own . as much as i need you now , i also need you not to be here . around me . YOU BOTH !

Bukit Bintang ....

Him , I am now with him . Ahmad Hafyz Bukhary .
let him be the one , let him . i have no one else that appreciate me more than him .
dear god . please make me appreciate him and love him the way he does . hm

Your old enough to be a grandfather . CONGRATS !

2011-04-10T13:37:00.000-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE (:

It's your birthday , i really wanna get with you . BABEYHH , i never seen someone with ya body !

"hey danial , hey danial , hey danial ! knife -,- HAHA . happy birthday my dear .
i wish for the best and only the most awesome things in your life , wish you all the love and care you need , wish you good health and happiness . yes thats cliche , but ! that's an honest wish ok ! " - mya azizan .

last saturday was danial's birthday , it's on 9th of April . siti , his girlfriend and also my beloved friend had planned a surprise party with his mom , so best la . i organize the food and stuff . amin and friends did the bbq . YOU GUYS RULES THE BBQ PIT ! so , ramai yang datang and i have nothing much to say .
will be posting few photo's of us at the party soon . ;)

Long way down the road .

2010-12-21T06:01:00.000-08:00

Its already december , and I haven't post anything yet , ? macam tak logik . anyway ...
SPM DAH HABIS , and I'm working now . so thats it . i'll write more , but not now (: <3

Here we go again .

2010-09-04T05:22:00.000-07:00

Lama kan tak update ? well it's not my fault the internet when down and no one wants to pay for it because some lame excuse " mya kan nak spm , sabar lah jap , after spm bayar la , ish " bwek bwek ! hate that alasan , BOO ! tak cool okay ?

nothing happen for the past month , i almost kena buang sekolah ? awesome !! puasa baru nak habis , and raya dah nak dtg , BUT , takde mood raya lah tahun ni , maybe sebab after raya dah trial , SHIT kan ? ya i know . hm .

Love life ? HAHA , gelak jom gelak gelak ((: luck is not on my side , so takde lah , bukan i memilih or what , but i don't want to be with someone if im not happy with him , betul tak ? kan kan ?
yes , i fell inlove with mr.perut perut tu lagi , tapi i don't want him to know , don't want him to even guess it , so DIAM DIAM lahh kan . his just so perfect ? hm just nice . dah la mya ! ish

SPM , cuba la siapa siapa terangkan apa itu spm , because i hate it so much , i dont like it ! GRR

This is the end of (: bye bye !

JUNE is AWSOME !

2010-06-07T11:52:00.000-07:00

It's JUNE already ?

*test mic one two three* wow , it's been month since i last update my blog , well i think no one's waiting for any post pun kan? hahaha ..
i don't wanna waste my time talking about the past month , because its awsomeness..NOT ! so it's a boring boring past month . i hate it .. so what happen to me this month ? this month i agreed to join a band , Naufal's Band ..and i really love them , the way they think and judge and influence .. i can go far with them , well i wrote a new song , called "Yang baru" i hope its good ..hope so , we're going to record the first song soon , before my SPM .. because we need materials .. and what happen more ? i started study ! wow rite ? i know , everybody thinks so ...
i still have problems with AIM's and TARGET's focken hell . Love life? don't feel like talking about it , crush by crush by boyfriends , none of them seems to work , i want someone that i could talk to heart to heart . enough ! other things like i really want a Blackberry !!!!!! please !!!!! soon mya soon ! heeee *smile =)
and i really want a new guitar , where Noh salleh can sign it :) i want a new wardrobe , warhhhh !soon mya soon *LOL .. soo thats about it .. <3>

April lead my way .

2010-04-02T05:18:00.000-07:00

March passes by it's April ,

March started with confusion , end up with disappointment .. But hey , it's life . things happen things end things goes up and down ;)
So i'm just glad im still standing ... ;) APRIL APRIL no more fooling :)

For now

2010-03-23T05:01:00.001-07:00

I'm not saying I have nothing. I'm not saying I'm gone completely. It's just sometimes it's all a bit too much to handle. Sometimes I feel like it's too much. I'm not going to do anything stupid because I know it will get better, it has to right? Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone who would live past their teenage years. But for now, just for now, it hurts.

formspring.me

2010-03-17T02:56:00.003-07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/myaazizan

formspring.me

2010-03-17T02:56:00.001-07:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/myaazizan

LOVE .

2010-02-28T08:05:00.000-08:00

so , again , with another ridiculous story , ahaaa T_T

macam ni HAA .. teacher is mad at me , i need to be more at school , less in bed , haha ... i need to do more homework then lyrics ..and i need to pay more attention in class than food in canteen , haha , mya mya...

well teacher sudah complain la , i need to change , sebab sesungguh nya i love all my teacher's and friend's and mak cik canteen's food..some more i got Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia - SPM darhhh ..so saya bukan budak kecik ye ! mungkin la bagi raingers2 im still budak kecik :P

saya perlu lebih serious kot , aihhhh ..need help , sebab kak long saya mungkin dah fade up dgn saya , haha ..

tapi yang masik melekat seperti chewing gum , AZREEN KAMAL ku SAYANG .. kawan siam ku terhebat , kan sayang ? haha iloveyou..

mungkin semua2 pasal en.syafiq misnan , telah meleka kan saya , sebab he hurt me , and i bukan nye nak makan chocolate and get over it , i boleh lagi berduka , hehe ..i nedd to throw this sad feeling away to , thou i dont want to , but i have to :)
not that i dont love him anymore , still do :)

and yeah , i need to thank all of my friends to , sebab always around , i love you guys ,

. rainger's - ohh my my rainger's , i just heart heart you all so much , i mean seriously , i feel like family :)
. ridzuan ayman - oh my fat tempura whale , i love you , you know that rite ?
. merol melo - best dad ever , HAHA ! i sayang you wohh..
. my sweethearts - my girlss , all of you i love you ..
. my mocha latte - my bro's , i love you all too :)
. my gay guy - still and will always love you <3

-who yg i tak cakap lagi ? huh? haha , you guys tell me okay ..
saya seorang budak kecik yang kuat lupa ! :D

his that rainger..

2010-02-26T04:55:00.000-08:00

i dont know what you want , i dont know how you feel , i dont know anything , i know nothing .
you keep on hiding and hiding your feeling , everytime i feel like backing up moving forward , there’s a little love from your side keep pulling me back rite in ..
i’m not asking you to let me go , i just want to know .. is it so hard for you to let me know…

it’s not like i can’t be with another guy , i can just pick out one from the list ..one who really do love me , and he tells me so …. but , my heart ain’t for nobody but you …i want nobody but you …

so they said there’s tons of fish in the water , though i try to search , and i’ve conquered the sea’s ..none have complete me …i need your laughter to start mine..

and they said , your wont be worth the wait , but i see you in many different ways , and i think i want to take a chance , and at least get to know you more before you take your own way …i wish you wont..*sighh …

and you know they said , love , love isn’t something you like…but i said ..

I DON’T JUST LIKE YOU , BUT I LOVE YOU !

adib shahanom and hariz ibrahim .

2010-02-17T00:48:00.001-08:00

you guys dont know how much you guys really mean to me , seriously , mya sayang korang gila2 punya , you know everyday life tanpa korang is like , damn!i just hope , korang happy and study realllll hard ! korang tu bukan je pandai ! comel2 pulak ! haha .. korang jaga diri baik2 dow..really i love you guys :'(

again

2010-02-02T13:57:00.000-08:00

hari ni saya sakit lagi , macam dua bulan lepas , sakit misteri di tulang rusuk . huh! sangat pelik , saya tak boleh tido , angin satu badan ., hmmm sekarang ni , saya tak tido , dga lagu hujan berulang2 kali . sumpah tak tahu bila akan bosan dgn lagu mereka , sungguh saya suka :)

it didn't last with my rainger .

2010-02-01T23:58:00.000-08:00

yes, haritu i couple dgn this guy , one of the rainger . god ! i was so inlove , tapi tiba2 , hmm , he said he wasn’t ready , he can’t accept it , that he wasn’t the same guy before , his not strong enough .. but i really2 love him .
i didn’t know i would fall for him this hard , for god sake i actually moving on from naufal . its a big thing , believe me it is , but he went and let me down :’( ..
oh guys , it hurts .. ive tried not to not eat , and not to not sleep , but failed ! mega failed ! what should i do ? no ! oh no im not gonna wait .. babes ! waiting is a complete disaster , i dont believe in wait anymore :’|
but i don’t blame him la , his a very nice guy , kalau tidak tak akan la saya nak jatuh hati kan ? :)
dia punyai satu senyuman yang sangat manis :) saya suka ! rindu sebenarnya :’)
i decided not to M.I.A , stay sudah lahh :) sebab missing him would be the most hardest thing ever , so saya stay :) i still love you pak cik :)

water and a flame

2010-01-14T03:26:00.000-08:00

Seven days has gone so fast,

I really thought the pain would pass.

It’s been nearly an hour,

since I thought of you.

But your not answering the phone,

I’d settle for a busy tone,

At least that I’d know that you’re okay.

A girl like you ain’t meant to go away.

Oh…

Now you’re gone,

Theres nothing else I want.

Now that it’s over,

There’s nothing else I want.

What have I done,

looks like I was wrong.

Is everything really meant to change,

I guess we’re like water and a flame.

water and a flame..

Adele:

I’m tired of this empty house,

I need a drink to get me out.

A couple more til I forget your name.

I saw a boy that looked like you,

I didn’t know quite what to do,

It took a power of will to break my stare.

I realized what I wanted wasn’t there.

Now you’re gone,

Theres nothing else I want.

Now that it’s over,

There’s nothing else I want.

Is everything really meant to change,

I guess we’re like water and a flame.

Water and a flame…

Daniel:

If you see me coming…

Adele:

I look away, I look away…

Daniel:

And if your mind is made up…

Adele:

I look away, I will look away…

Daniel:

If your worry bound

Adele:

I’m okay, I’m okay, yes I am

Daniel:

All this sorrow and this pain,

is going to go away

Daniel & Adele:

Now you’re gone,

There’s nothing else I want.

Now that it’s over,

There’s nothing else I want.

What have I done,

looks like I was wrong.

Is everything really meant to change,

I guess we’re like water and a flame.

Water and a flame…

oh they hate me for sure .

2010-01-13T11:28:00.000-08:00

my neighbor , i'm talking about my neighbor they must hate me..i woke up at 2am and im hungry, i can't go back to sleep because , uhh im hungry so i go to the kitchen and fine me somthng to eat , haa but wait ! nothng , theres nothng for me to eat , so i had to open up my freezer and take out the hotdog and cook :D so the neighbout must have hate me:)
i always do this .hahaha , they must be swearing shit at me , bhahah , what can i do , im hungry :D

AMYLEA AZIZAN NEW SINGLE PATUNG

2010-01-13T03:00:00.000-08:00

hello guys ! check amylea's new single preview called PATUNG .
you can visit her myspace or fan page on facebook , click this links ;

amylea azizan on facebook
amylea azizan on myspace

just click on them link :)

support out local singer !

mya azizan *xoxo :)

too ow wan ow :)

2009-12-31T14:35:00.000-08:00

well this is typical but weyh new year dowh ! haha , HAPPY NEW YEAR !!! *gile penat buat kaler2 ni -_-' HAHA , anywayyyyy , lastyear , haha i went to ampang point , bowling bowling XD then tgk firework kat tepi highway , HAHA , gile ke nak masuk KL , jam !! whoot !! :) ewan danial and khai dah sasau , including me actually , jerit2 kat tingkap XD happy new year , but orang lain pun sasau jugak that night , haha stok sume melayan =D , and we when to fetch kakak at cheras , sesat for 2 hours . -_-' , LUCKILY we have NAUFAL♥ , my supehero :P , so we jumpa jugak , and we lepak jap , so i kire high jap la , jumpa my poppy meyhh :) :P :D ..

oh well so fast , its already 2010 :)
ilove 2010 , macam best je , hehe .
ilove naufal nazrin , macam sayang je , hehe *BOO bad pick up line XD
ilove my friends , im comparing thee to a summer day *takde kene mengena langsung X)
ilove my family , i love my sister .xoxo
ilove my life , it's cool this way :)
ilove my neighbour because his cute . gah ! :D
ilove my guitar because his my guitar la .
ilove you because you read my blog :)

so now i cant sleep , and i miss him , -__-'
i shall now !!!!!!! play game :) goodbye 2009 ! goodbye past ! goodbye :)

there comes a point in your life when you realize who matters , who never did who won't anymore and who always will , so don't worry about people from your past there's a reason they didn't make it to your future , ♥love mya :)

my birthday bash :)

2009-12-30T11:49:00.000-08:00

hoii ! ahah , tak beradat betul mya nih , aishh , ehee , hello ! greetings my fellow followers :)
i'm back !! yahh yahh , exited tak ? :P , so here goes , december to remember , i love that word , haha , it's holiday and the month where my birthday is on :)) ,

so this year buat bbq meyh , at my house s,pool :) best grrrh , wish i could turn back time ;) but so very sorry , because theres no picture of my bashh , bak kata ewan " biarlah bash ini jadi rahsia bagi siapa yang datang" HAHA . :)

i like to make a special thanks to the main sponsor AMYLEA AZIZAN , haha always loveyou and ofcourse DANIAL my papa , i love you pa .. so much XD u helped a lot , and to my partner i crime forever more i love , RIDZUAN AYMAN , my daddy :) loveyouloveyouloveyou , and my diamond heart-shaped chef ,AZLIAZ SHAFEEQ , my mama,hahaha , i love yahhhh !! and KHAI my dayang , hahaha you helped a lot 2 babe , sumpah sayang you guys , till death will never forget , and i will remeber the day you guys smudge flour on my face :) and yeah NICCUS TAN i love you for being with me :)

and yeahh , for all yang datang , dayummm , i love you guys ! sumpah best kene tolak masuk pool and cant get out -___-' HAHA , so i know semua pun kecewa sbb MAY ALEXANDRA was the first to push me in . haihh . hahaha
and thanks a bunch for the one yang berkerja keras di untuk bbq , haha , kesian betul ! XD
and thanks kepada yang bagi hadiah , aduhhh , i said no present , but , degil betul ! haha , but then again i love .

1)butterfly thong :') from rara roskhad
2)a cape for my guitar - merul melo
3)a pooh , awww :) from naufal nazrin
4)a painting of roses from adlnatasya
5)seaweed fragranced candle from may alenxandra
6)a puppet garfield hehe , from dayang if im not mistaken .
7) a mickey mouse mug , i dont who its from -_- sedih nye
8)cat whiskers earings , gorgeous! from zareeq hasnor
9)a beautiful bracelet from aida jazlina
thats about it i guess :)

i love you guys mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! mwahhhhhhhhhhh!! :)

and yeah that night is the first time i jumpa naufal nazrin kamal :)
we knew in myspace ONLY,and i actually fall for him at last , pfffttt -_-' heee
and also first time i jumpa may alexandra , setelah sekian lama were like twins and bestofbuddies , baru jumpa ! im glad we get thru it well :P
so see ! birthday i , i dapat kawan baru ! yay ay :)P

the sad part is , some of my flowers in heart , can't come :(
some just forgot about me . hurmm . i still love u guys thou .

i hope 2010 will be the best year of my life , even thou im going in form 5 , takin my spm next year , ah im not scared , like pffffttt -_-' haha , actually i am , but i can do it ! yay !!!! with support love and care :)

so it's a coming new year , hurm , still didnt get everythng i want , but , i cant get everythng rite :)
so im happy with what i have , bestfriends , buddies , families and my guitar :) so its fine by me :)

when i told you guys takde gambar , bukan takde langsung , ade la :)
but sket sgt ..here lahh :)

me and niccus tan

again
my babeyhh ridzuan ayman
azliaz shafeeq :)
yay ! kena dukung ..
rocklove them so muchh khai me and ili baby :)
me and ili baby :)
before the bash :)
paling awal :)
me , danial and may :D
me and may me and danial :D

CRAVENlembap .

2009-12-11T02:30:00.000-08:00

setelah sekian lama im out of topic , im back with a stupid story yang memang bagi i panas .
that night me , jelly , dayang , ewan , nick , beego , and khai went to CRAVEN bukit antarabangsa , lepak la ..
the servise was horrifuckinable ! . sumpah lambat slow bodoh tawu . well my dad cakap "aku bagi 3 bulan je tempat tu" haha , dah lalambat , order pun amek salah , pastu taknak return , walaweyhh , ngo naa ! order air suam pun 2 tahun tggu , roti canai ade bulu , bayang kan ! roti canai berbulu ! eeeerghh gross ..
and that is the last time , kami dah bersumpah , kalau semua kedai di bukit antarabangsa tutup baru kami gerak situ , semua kedai , i mean including , 7 ELEVEN , laundry , petshop , etc.. :D

Battle Of The Band 2009

2009-11-13T21:36:00.000-08:00

nabil - BV , amir haziq - lead guitar , shafiq murad - drummer , zareeq hasnor - bassist , adib shahanom - rhythm guitar , and me vocalist :)

yeah !! this year our school ada BOTB again , like last last year . and this year we take part , and guess what ? we won :)
yeahh , im so proud of my band member , just love them so much .
we played two song , it was suppose to be three but then we had to cancel on some reason , but still we rock the stage , weeee .
it was karma by cokelat , and that's what you get by paramore :)
i had fun , we had fun actually . love them :)

what a life :)

2009-10-29T04:03:00.000-07:00

yaw , it's been a while la since i last update my blog . i was busy *chooii busy la sangat , eheh , seriously i was busy with my stupid fucking life , first of all i was shock by what my ex mohd ashgar nadjmi said to me , he actually break up with me , with some ouchiee words in his text . i've tried not to cry , but...sadly i did , wahaha , ye lah like beyonce sang in her broken hearted song ,

you're everything i thought you never were
and nothing like i thought you could've been
but still you live inside of me
so tell me how is that

your the only one i wish i could forget
the only one i love to not forget
and though you break my heart
you're the only one

ecehh , like my buddy azliaz always said , "korang macam budak umo 6 tahun gado taw tak" followed by an annoying laugh , GAHH ! jely jely ..
so , i settle down a bit , laughing like were on weed , there come PALI ! started when i followed my sister to TERENGGANU .
we kinda likeda each othaaa ! wahaha . but i don't think i want to commit any relationship for time being , bukan apa doh ! it's frustrating , huhu .
so here i am like orang bodo having my end o the year examination :)
i have nothing else to do , no one that i have to please , or love , so im me myself and i again . how sad is that? not sad at all la , haha
ive been thinking , if this year was hell of a year , what would next year be like ? MOMMYY !!!! ^_____^#

it's life , semua orang pun lalui masalah , even anak RAJA punn , GOD,im starting to talk like JELY -,-
to much bonding timeeeee , warghhhh ! HAHA =D

open houses :)

2009-10-10T00:47:00.000-07:00

rumah terbuka , pergh la , dah jadi artis la i ni .
open hs sane , open hs sini , tak menang tangan weyh, cam show pulak . hahaha
so sekarang kalau lambat2 update blog , ampun maaf dipinta ye :D

my sayang .

2009-10-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

here goes , its a story about my syg , his name is akir nadjmi , but i call him musyuk2 , hee .
he likes tennis like alot , no serious alot ! its his first girlfriend -,- . kan sygg . haha
and i am taller thn him , *that is so not true , but i always make him say "yes syg , you are taller then me :)" . and he will , warghh ! die comel ! i sayanggg die mcm gile ! . its like , die boleh buat i senyum bile die dah buat i marah,and it only take him 2 mnt ! geram betul lahh , rase cam nak geget2 je die . haha..

ewan said "he is so for you " i know babe ! i know :D
azreen said"im glad your with him" i tawuuuuu :)
syafieka said " bagus la you dah jumpe org mcm dia" heee .
nik said"im glad la for you" :)
amalina said"ko penah kiss die tak ?" hahahaha bodo r..
husna said"when you love some1 , only u can tell , when ur inlove with some1 everyone can tell":)
shamsinah said"awww so sweet".
fatin said"weyh ! yang anak teacher dzaizatul tu! anak teacher BI tu??" haha
zareeq said" u dah ade bf tak msg i dah -,-" haha . mana ada !

and i dah tak larat la nak bgtaw ape org ckp , but ! what i know is . my friends love him , and so does i ! so much !

baby , you belong with me ! now and forever ! mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
no one cant stop me from loving you . no one :) ily !

akir nadjmi

2009-09-18T07:56:00.000-07:00

well , as you all know before .
im badly hurt by someone .
so now im back on my two feet .
because nadjmi appear in my life ..
he was my ex , and now were back together .
im just so sure his not gonna hurt me like others did .
because his a very nice guy .
everybody know so ...
and i wish i could stay with him for long ..
i need this kind of guy to lead me with my "tunggang terbalik" life
i have a good feeling he can :)
his my sayang and i love him .
his something special to me .
oh the best part is , his mother is my english teacher ! haha , how scary is that :DD
no lahh . his mother is so nice , just like himm .

baby , i love youu so much ! :)

"he said i ni childish , i said ,takpe , kalau u childish dgn i , i'll just scream,shout and kill you :)"
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

i'll wake up soon .

2009-08-30T05:03:00.000-07:00

part 1 ;

just found out about him with her,
i feel pathetic and yeah he did it ,
die actually balas dendam :)
i cry the whole night thou , after a very tiring day .
my eyes are swallowing but im goin to be okay .
i can make it thru the rain .
on my own .
and everytime i feel afraid i hold tighter to my faith .
hmm , you got me damn hard aizat .
thank you .

part 2;

and today , i feel very tired , i didnt sleep and im also fasting .
im totally tired , but i have fun lepaking with ili tadi , love you abyyy :)
and semua yg i bagi dengar my new song like the song . thankful
you know who i dedicate it too , right ?
hmmm , im very tired

part 3 ;

this is where the part i say , goodbye .
im taking my pills , and i hope i'll wake up soon .
bye bye ....

aril abdullah

2009-08-28T04:45:00.000-07:00

this is ARIL , his a guy that i really really sayang :)
his my friend ! .
sayang youu la gemuk :) jajaf gile :P

story of my life .

2009-08-26T11:25:00.000-07:00

CHAPTER 1

"ramadhan is here"

first of all , alhamdulillah , im still breahing to celebrate this year ramadhan ,
tapi banyak benda yang i nak share with everyone about my year ,
it's been one tough year for me ,
bulan2 terawal tahun ni , seronok sangat , i meet new people ,
i gain new friends yang sangat2 baik towards me ,
all thanks to my new school :)
i had the best time ever with my teachers
i thought it was the best year of my life , well i was wrong .
starting pertengahan tahun ,
i lost my friends , well not all of them , but still i lost few .
and that hurts , badly hurt (!)
i tak sangka orang yang baik , and very well thinking , boleh salah faham and abandoned me just like that . first of all i lost fahim hafifi fathulmubin .
well his a very very good guy , i end up saying goodbye to him ,just because mulut orang , and it's still killing me inside benda ni tak sepatutnya jadi , i memang sayang dia , and hilang dia , memang buat i mengangis yang teramat lah lama . and i hope he can still be my friend , sempena bulan ramadhan dan hari raya yang bakal menjelma kannn :) urmm . then , dalam kes fahim tu , i jugak ada gadoh dengan orang lain , guys near me , izwan , amir fareedz and others .
and dalam blog ni , i want izwan to know , i am very2 sorry for what ever thing i did , i am sorry . sebab i love all of my friends . i really love you as my friend izwan . sorry -_-' hope you can forgive me . i also hilang budak lain , sebab diorang boikot i . oh well , i takde buat salah dengan korang , so takde reason i nak say sorry . and this year , yang paling worst case scenario is losing aizat umar norizan .
benda ni mungkin akan haunt me for life i think .
i buat the biggest mistake , selama 15 tahun 8 bulan i hidup , tak pernah i buat salah macam ni lagi , i actually hurt the one i really love in my life , i know lepas ni , i tak akan dapat curi hati dia macam i buat sebelum ni , but i tak kisah as long as dia dapat maafkan i dengan ikhlas , itu je i mintak , aizat is the person i always need , and i push him away , i know im such a jerk .
and lastly is losing ridzuan ayman ramlan ,
yeah , i know , every each one of my friend think this is all a joke , well you guys , i am seriously not joking , we actully decided to break up , i mean as bestfriends la ,
actully i la yang decide , sebab i think im such a burden , and i tak maw someone i love and care about , kene tanggung an idiot burden like me , well first of all , he has a girlfriend , yea , what you guys r thinking is rite , so i tak nak ada apa2 salah faham between me and his gf , well gf kali ni macam serious je , so i know it will be bad if i stick around , i mean se serious mane pun gf die kate she's not jealous , but shes still a gf , die mesti tak suka bf die rapat dengan another chick kan , hmm ,
and one more thing , ewan jadi orang tengah selama ni , i tak suka , kesian kat die, lepak ngan i masalah , lepak ngan diorang pun masalah gak ,
so thats why i decided to break it off , well it may look very easy , but it's very hard ,
and god knows how i feel every night when i think about what i did .
when i think back every single memories between us , perghh !
nanti satu hari keluar paper front page "mya died of sadness" oh hhhh !
R.I.P ..
well ramadhan tahun ni , takde makna sangat la , suasana puasa pun hilang pegi mana i tak taw .
i hope things change , i really do -_-'
and whats the matter with my sister pulak , nak pindah pergi australia ? com on , have'nt god tortured me enough ?
end of chapter 1

CHAPTER 2

"H1n1"

well as everybody knows , h1n1 now is so popular we can make a trend out of it ,
"hey mymom died of h1n1 , hey my dad too"
well im so worried about people at school , thou im not in it , my mom tak bagi pergi , even my brother .
we both stuck in this house with only internet and astro , okay thats cool , i know ,
but bosan gila staying at home macam orang gila !
i really miss everybody at school , even thou setiap kali i nampak ijat i lari masuk toilet and cry , still i memang rindu sekolah,
i mean even pak cik kantin mean alot too me , i nak pegi sekolah and makan benda benda yang tak de banyak khasiat sgt tu,i nak masuk lambat and always terlepas dari denda sebab kawan2 i pengawas :) i nak :|
but oh well , i have too obey that lady ! she's meann , HAHA -_-'
so bagi sesiapa yang tak sihat please la wear your mask mister ! it's dangerous oke !
maybe after raya i will go back to school .
i insist !

end of chapter 2

CHAPTER 3

"i'm sorry i'm not perfect"

i think i owe everybody an apologies , sebab i banyak buat masalah dengan semua ,
my bestfriends , my ex's , my friends , semua la .
i wanna put a new chapter in my life , make life worth living , even thou it's just for a moment .
i feel very guilty past month , weeks and days ,
i keep thinking back about all the people i've hurt , and how i miss them all .
my ex's , nick , sadiq , imran this are the one i've hurt ,
i'm sorry .
im sorry to all of my bestfriends , sebab i lied .
i cakap i dah okay about aizat , but surely i am not , i masih cry myself to sleep ,
i masih buang all of my medicine kat toilet ,
i masih tahan myself dari makan .
i still do that . and im sorry , i cuma tak nak u guys worried .
i boleh jaga diri i , even thou i buat semua tu .
im still standing .
and im sorry to the one i dah buat masalah ,
im sorry i dah bagi korang problem ,
am sorry for the one who hates me ,
im sorry for the one i've made you cry .
i mya azizan is SORRY for what i've done .
i want everybody to know that .
also i teringat balik about everybody yang selalu around me dulu ,
mia , emma , aida . and much more , i sayang korang sangat sangat ,
im sorry ive become someone im not .
i miss you guys , infect i miss all of you .
IM SORRY

end of chapter 3

CHAPTER 4

"chocolate strawberry cake"

and here i am eating chocolate strawberry cake , for you guys maybe it's great , but for me it's not , because i am not a cake person , im more to double cheese burger !! *crying in silent , i told everything reminds me of that fat ass .
hmm , to everybody , again i am sorry , and i am changing my self , im becoming a better person , all i need is forgiveness ,
from each one of you .
i really love you guys . i need help from you guys , to make me a better mya ,
i wanna open a new mini chapter in my life , so that when i die , i know my short life was worth living .
guysss ... :)

all i need is another chance , everybody deserve a second chance rite ? HMMM

end of chapter 4

CHAPTER 5

" thank you and i love you"

and this is for the one still standing here with me , for the one who care so much about me ,
no matter what i do , no matter how i behave , they are still here with me , i love you guys till my last breath
this is for the one who dont have any hates for me .
just love and care ,
it's going to be hard for me to pull out each names , but i know you guys know who you really are .
to all my bestfriends and friends ,
THANKS for everything , THANKS for being here for me , THANKS for loving me so much ,
only god knows how much you guys meant for me .
i will always be needing you guys , forever .
this is for the one who love me ,
THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU ...
this funny little words may sound simple but it's meaningfull ,it's how i really feel about you guys , i love you guys .THANKYOU !!

end of chapter 5

-FINISH-

i miss you .

2009-08-15T08:47:00.000-07:00

i miss everything about you .
i miss your sense of humor .
i miss your hand that always touch mine .
i miss your smile the only reason im smiling .
i miss your eyes that is so mesmerizing .
i miss your sweet voice that keep me sleeping at night .
i miss everything about you .

i'm sorry baby :(

by AREEQ part 2

2009-08-08T05:09:00.000-07:00

by AREEQ

2009-08-08T04:12:00.000-07:00

sony ericsson w350i is now mine :)

2009-08-03T01:43:00.000-07:00

yay yay ! im now using this phone :) teehee . suke :)

seriously ill .

2009-08-01T05:12:00.000-07:00

hey guys , mymom tak bgi pergi concert , so mcm sedih gile . and i just pass kek raja kat danail hadri donut gemuk comel . die la pass kat diorang nanty , oh and i jmpe ili tdi :) first time lah .
i demam pun die hug i lagi . syg die :) .
anyway i mmg sakit gile2 , demam main2 ngn i , jap ok jap tak . sakit betul hati . and i rase pelik satu badan . pening pun ade la skit2 , i jadi paranoid gile , i takut nak tdo , sbb takut tak bgun dah , haha , yar i know mcm klaka but really i rse mcm tu , i jadi paranoid gile . and my heartbeat pelik gile , beating mcm bass dj tiesto . haha .gempak kan . well i hope budak smk wangsa melawati buat yang tergempak . i mmg betul2 sorry tak dpt dtg . i nak sgt , and my abg pun tak marah i . hmm , but i rase b'salah sgt :(
but i tak pilih jadi mcm nie , sorry again !

concert tonight and i fee like being drag to hell .

2009-08-01T01:02:00.000-07:00

malam nie konsert sekolah , and i rasa macam separuh mati sekarang . i donno why tiba2 sakit nie .
teruk2 plak tu . nak kate kene *nate babi*(H1N1) takde la ciri2 mcm nk kene , but sakit nie pelik2. i cant even stand straight , nak pengsan , mkn je nk muntah . rase mcm heartbeat laju semacam , so i decided to go to clinic , bgtaw mama , kene beta jap , pastu die suruh siap . again g klinik , haih . letih gile nie , and jap lagi azreen nak dtg , we're going to the konsert together . i know u must think that im crazy , sakit2 nk g jugak , but buat cam ne , i dah beli cake for raja , bday die today , kesian die nanty . budak kecik tu i syg , haha . and one more thing , abg (cikgu ali) pye show ade , tak kn nk miss , nanti touching sebulan pulak . so im still going , pegi klinik and im still going to the concert..tapi guys , seriously nk pitam ohh ....k la you guys . nka out . tata ! doa kan i okay ..

my horoscope *so true :)

2009-07-31T18:34:00.000-07:00

Sagittarius - The Sign of the Centaur

In the Sagittarius' character there are combined such qualities as reliance, affability and courtesy. People who were born under this sign come along with the people easily, but it is much more difficult for them to become close friends.They do it very very cautiously. The Sagittarius usually loves sports, nature, traveling , to learn and to win . The Sagittarius likes all doing in the company surrounded by close people. His mind and body are both requiring constant intellectual, emotional and physical loading.

Friends

They are the nicest friends in the zodiac. These people are not a meet-for-coffee friend. They are doers and they make the best travel companions. Their most lasting unions and friendships would be made with people born from March 21 to April 19-26, and July 21 to August 20-27, or in their own period.

Health

They will be more inclined to suffer from rheumatism than from any other disease, also from a delicacy of the throat and lungs, and skin troubles. Physical problems, however, are apt to be the result of unrestricted diet or an over-indulgent pursuit of other pleasures. Sagittarians are also subject to an overpowering urge to gamble, which can be ruinous for some. They also, especially in their latter years, suffer from the nervous system.

Color

Their most suitable colors are all shades of violet and mauve and violet-purple.

Stones

Their most favorable stones are amethysts and sapphires.

cruel world

2009-07-29T22:23:00.000-07:00

why is the world so cruel ? why would you hurt this kind creature , this innocent and harmless creature .
i just want to say to all who do this shit .

Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor

So you say
It's okay to kill those whales
Well I think you're just evil
You're just some pervert who can't think straight
Your point of view is midieval

F*ck you
F*ck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

F*ck you
F*ck you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Do you get
Do you get a little kick of being slow minded?
You want to be like your father
It's approval your after
Well that's not how you find it

Do you
Do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful?
Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
Your losing control of it and it's really distasteful

F*ck you
F*ck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

F*ck you
F*ck you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor

F*ck you
F*ck you very, very much
Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

F*ck you
F*ck you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

tak exited langsung untuk esok .

2009-07-29T21:51:00.000-07:00

well ,as you all know , esok school concert , a musical journey la katekan :| serious tak rase exited langsung , i know it will be a flop , disaster , busuk i ckp , busuk !!! arghhh . i hate this .i pergi nk support abg je , and other friends , tapi sbb kan mamat tu , malas duhh nak dtg. somemore i belum beli ticket . so mcm , nak pegi nk duduk mane . kan . malas ahhhh . tpi tak pegi karang abg touching lak . urmm . pegi je lah , b4 concert end i balik , sng ctew . hmm , i geram sgt kowt dgn die , malu kan org . suke2 je , u shemale pronstar !

from natalie with my 110% support !

2009-07-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

You Dam Hypocrite/Pervert>Yeah that's right, Hypocrite/Pervert. I've bottled up to many things and now it's finally popped. Well atlest by writing, I've released some of my stress.Well, if you don't know what the word HYPOCRITE and PERVERT means, here's my brief explanation about it.

HYPOCRITE - a person who pretends to have virtues, moral or religious beliefs, principles, etc., that he or she does not actually possess, esp. a person whose actions belie stated beliefs. {{in other words, lying pretenders}}

PERVERT - To cause to turn away from what is right, proper, or good corrupt, to bring to a bad or worse condition, {{somone who's really a sick person}}

Why I'm writing about some socall hypocrite/pervert? Well, HE DESERVES IT. {{and there are others writting bout him aswell. Might aswell write something bout him too}} This would probably be the first time I've hated someone soooo much, I don't think even words can express how I ACTUALLY feel right now. And you guys know how dam patient I can be, hell, no even my mum and dad can make me blow my top like he did.

Well JOJO, congratulations!! Your the first f****** person on earth to make feel useless, you dumbass. I don't really know what's your real name, I don't even think I want to know. And if I do found out what your name really is, I promise myself I would NEVER name my son {{if I have a son in the nearer future}} that utterly, horrified, very very VERY rude name of yours. Just cause Your from the Kementerian and you've got higher power, doesn't mean that you could do whatever you like, you freaking pervert. Oh I'm so scared, cause your from the top, WHATEVER LA!!! Being top means giving respect and earning it, obviously you rather just come in and shout at everybody while criticizing the high school girls body shape.

You think that you could just come in the very last minute and change everything that we worked so hard for, and do whatever you like. Go ahead, shorten the concert, make it boring, I don't care if people come and say "Shit, I'd expected more from this concert, so dam short and boring, wasting my money only, NOT WORTH IT AT ALL" People are expecting to see some modern music as well, not just only traditional you dum Jojo. And cutting the concert short proves that your f***** up brain is full of camel-shit.

On top of that you Hypocrite, you think your sooooo religious and such a good role model, guess what? Your not you dam pervert. Over these past few days, you've been citisizing me and my friends body. How dare you come up to our faces and say "Do you guys know your ##### are so big, can't you cover them up??" WHAT THE HELL MAN You idioit, we've cover up almost everything until the human eye could not see our freaking chests, not even the guy teachers complained about it. You on the other hand kept your eyes on the girls, watching parts of our body when you should really hear us sing and watch us dance. What's your problem man??? And just cause I forgot to wear tudung in the dewan, and I stood up for myself, doesn't mean that you could punish me and my girls by wearing even more clothing, cancel the finale song and put the blame on my choir members. Seriously, no wonder your still single and probably would be all your life you sad, sad little brat.
One more thing, could you please stay away from all of my choir girls?? Seriously stop watching us like some desperate puppy dog everytime we go in to perform. If you even so touch one single hair on their heads or hurt their feelings, I, no WE will seriously make your life miserable {{or we'll just sue you}} Seriously, nobody likes you. Go suck wind and die... I don't even think that the wind even wants to be suck in by you.
And with that I end my speech. Sorry for this really really bad up post with rude languages. Seriously, I'm sorry if anyone reading this is feeling offended by my rude post. Except him.

best kena sound depan ijat :)

2009-07-29T04:24:00.000-07:00

hahaha , nie yang i nak cakap WTF , FCUK , dan segala benda yang sewaktu dgn nye .
arghh , k pendek kan cerita , i pegi skolah hari nie , and stayback , sbb nak tolong my beloved brother ALI ZIKRY . kankan , pastu i lepak dewan , and i pakai tudung cam half , sbb i baru balik it's panas and rambut i baru treatment , pastu this pegawai ape la tah , sound i dengan rasa bangga nya , "nie apsal ko pakai tudung mcm nie , tak reti pakai elok2,ko ingat panas , neraka lagi panas "*with laugh. amboi3 kurang hajar nye , i mean i know u berkuasa and ur older , but hey , tak blh ke ckp elok2 . siallll kowt , sound je dpn pengetua i tak pedulik , but depan ijat ?? urghh!mcm *&!(@&$^#*$%)$) ! you really dont wanna hear that . so dgn rasa panas telinga i pun pakai la elok2 . and ijat pun keluar , shit , kalau dpn org lain i really dont mind , but not ijat :((((( .
i wish you jatuh bas ! hahaha , *ala ala azreen .

p/s:don't mess with a thai blood . nanti daulat . hahahah , *i wish .

aizat umar norizan .

2009-07-24T07:35:00.000-07:00

rase mcm semalam je u kiss tgn i , and smile ur heart at me ,
rase mcm semalam je you pujuk i gile2 sbb i nie kuat touching . *dgn u je kowtt .
sebab you saje yg sanggup pndang i and pujuk i smpai i okay ,
u saje yg sggp bagi sepenuh2 perhatian u kat i .
u saje yang stay with me smpai petang even you dah penat gile .
you saje ..takde org lain .
rase mcm tadi je you cakap i sayang you .
pastu bagi i pakai tie you , and pegang sweater you pastu ckp i bini you . *i sggo kawin ngn u punn :)
rse mcm tdi je you duduk sebelah i pastu buat muke comel you .
you saje yang buat muke comel i rse comel :)
you saje yang buat i gelak tanpa sebab , *eh myb sebab i gile kowt , bak kate you la kn..
and you saje yang boleh bagi i sayang you .
rase mcm time dinner tdi je u call i sebab i lambat reply text you .
rase mcm time dinner tdi je you cakap yanngg ta maw r touching :)
tdi je .
tapi semua yang i rase tu semua salah , sbb ape yang i rase , dah lame takde .
and semua tak kan jadi lagi dah . semua sebab salah i .
sebab satu langkah kecik yang punca satu masalah besar .
i tak blh regret you , sbb kalau i regret time will turn back ?
tak .

and now, i jatuh . sekuat2 mya yang semua org ckp tu . jatuh and maybe tak blh berdiri lagi .
what goes around come back around .
so people are so wrong about mya kuat . because sebelum nie mmg mya nmpk kuat , sbb guy yg tinggal kn die semua tak mcm org yang baru tggal kan die . org yg bru tggal kn die , org yang paling bermakna dlm hidup die , die tak tak pernah nampak org nie sampai org nie pergi and betul2 pergi dari hidup die . sekarang baru die sedar , and die tak blh buat ape2 , except cry cry and cry untuk ubatkn hati sndri .

biggest apologies to aizat umar norizan . semua salah i . i tak pernah mengaku i salah , but nie mmg salah i . maybe i deserve ape yg i dapat .

thnks for everythng .

ili dayana hadi .

2009-07-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

ili dayana hadi .
yea , she's my new baby :D
haha , my twin .
we have lots o thing in common , when i say lots , it's a lot ! :DD
well i'm really glad i found her , thanks to daniel hadri hadi ! i meet ili :)
thnkss baby ! owe u ! :)
and now i can share my problems wth her , and die betul2 faham ! i syg die gile2!
hee . and thts why i post this blog . sbb i nk semua org tawu i syg die :)

i miss you .

2009-07-22T01:32:00.000-07:00

i miss you , i really miss all the memories we had , i miss ur smile , i miss ur laugh , i miss ur everything , and how i wish i can turn back time , sadly no one can . hm . i really miss you . losing u never crossed my mind , i don't want to face this number 1 fear at all . but i had to , god know's i'm trying my best to be strong . :(

fahim hafifi .

moving forward .

2009-07-21T11:47:00.000-07:00

you never realize u got something so special rite infront of ur eye's until u actually lose em . hm .

pusat kraftangan kuala lumpur part 1 :)

2009-07-21T11:41:00.000-07:00

wohh . hari nie sumpah penat gile . plus i demam :|
hee but i had fun , so much fun . sbb today we went all out . haha
best sgt buat batik , even tho mine gile buruk , haha , hey atleast i buat sndri oke ! tak suruh spe2 .
sorang2 je . heee .
aite , then then . jalan2 amik gmbr mcm org gile .haha . byk je gmbr ohh :D
but takde kat i lagi . so i update nie je . pictures coming up soon :) and now i letih maw tdo :P
byeeee..

i dont get it .

2009-07-20T09:16:00.000-07:00

why kene hide and stuff , mesti ade sumthng ur hiding kan , hmm , i can stand this anymore , find suke hati lahh . hide fuckin stuff .!!

tomorrow's a blast .

2009-07-20T04:50:00.000-07:00

urm , yea esok ade lawatan ke pusat kraftangan , i have no idea where it is , but hell yeah i'm exited . artsss :) , oh ya arts , about arts , i cut my finger during art class last week , while i was carving my wood , hee . it was a bloody situation , haha , byk darah , and cantikk -,- i suke lahh .
and now i have hard time playing guitar , ergh . oh well , it's hard but i can do it . teehee .
andand , i went to t.melawati today , because mydad ruin my wood . DADDY ! -_-'
aiyahh , well he is my dad , so ape boleh buat , haha , i pegi beli kayu baru , and buat semula ! memenatkan?you think? haha . takpe takpe . i don't mind , it's just . hari jumaat nie last day untuk hantar , urgkk ! takpe2 adib ade adib ade . haha . i mintak tolong adib je lahh. heee , husband adik tiri i :) kalau faham bagus lah , kalau tak buat donno je . HAHA . urm that's about it . exited lahh about tomorrow . mesti best :)
well i nk siap kan my carving sikit lagi , sambil online myspace :) byebye .

morning like this .

2009-07-19T16:17:00.000-07:00

shit , hari nie i turun awal pun terlepas bus jugak , ahhh .
bas tu cam gile la , i turun awal die lagi awal , i turun lambat die tak dtg lgsg . agak bagus la kan .
haih , bile i rajin nak pergi bas pulak buat hal . esok sebelum subuh lah turn , haha kan senang XD
anyway , i'm still thinking about what he said , hm , if i mengalah , he'll regret it , for sure . so better i diam dulu kowt :|
masalah la dgn hidup complicated nie ! and i'm like what ? 15 and a half , shit . by the time i'm 20 i'll have white hair all over X) grr ! dah dah! i think i nak pegi mkn ubt dulu , painkillersss :) bye all . and goodmorning :)

tumbling down ,

2009-07-19T11:33:00.000-07:00

okay2 , firts of all , if you bace post nie , kalau rase nk kutuk me just keep it to yourself , if ade ape2 nasihat , let it out k :)

awrite , actually my life was like a singking helicopter and yes it's as bad as it sound , teruk gile almost kene kick out of school because i tak hadir . yar la , ikut perasaan sgt , sedih je layan . and sakit and can't go to school , so mmg salah i lahh . and i couple dgn sum1 i kenal sekejap je , it's not like die jahat but i buat keputusan terburu buru , end up hurting myself and other . nak tutup mulut org je , urgh and why i care pun i tak taw . hm , and we broke up after few days , sbb i tak boleh love him . but we're still friends , i tak suke enemy but people suke sgt berenemy kan i , HAHA , ayat ape tu..i lose 2 of drug ! yar i'm saying it out loud , fahim hafifi and aizat umar ! i hilang 2 orang yang tuhan saje tawu i sayang diorang nie . but yeah , sekarang nie pandang pun tak . it's so hard to breath and to live without this two . mcm nak mati jugak la mya since diorang takde .
but nasib baik mya still have my babies , safiku,azreen,ewan,fyfey,amir haziq,areeq,amir yusuf,amalina dalila,nik natalia,firdaus,adib shahanom,shafiq murad,hariz, and banyak la people around me , you guys are the best , because u guys stick with me thru stormy weather . i love you guys so much .because of you guys mya still standing strong !appriciete korang :)
but i still miss those two , i still miss them a lot , tak pernah terlintas pun in my mind untuk gadoh dgn fahim and ijat . it's like a dream ! serious tak percaya :| i rindu diorang :(
so hope i boleh move on and walk straight again without tumbling down .
hope mya still kuat and mya is still mya . no one can change that .
i guess this is the end of my post . thanks for reading !

imran rafiq

2009-07-18T12:50:00.000-07:00

Aku manusia lemah
Selalu terjatuh
Berbeda aku darimu
Kau berdiri teguh
Aku serba tiada
Aku kekurangan
Dan bila kau tiba aku hilang dari kewujudan

Sempurnanya sifat
Telusnya hatimu
Jujurnya niatmu
Tingginya kesbrnmu
Lepaskan dirku
Kerna aku
tak mampu tuk memnaggung sebuah cinta sempurna
Darimu
Darimu ohhh
Darimu ohhhh

Bukan aku tak pernah
Mengerti dirmu
Aku sanjung setiap kata cinta kau berikan aku
Hilangkan rasa itu
Akirkankan semua
Dan bila kau sedar
Aku hilang dari kewujudan
Ohhh

Sempurnanya sifat
Telusnya hatimu
Jujurnya niatmu
Tingginya kesbrnmu
Lepaskan dirku
Kerna aku
Tak mampu tuk menanggung sebuah cinta sempurna darimu
Darimu ohhh
Darimu ohhhh

drowning in my own tears ,

2009-07-16T10:18:00.000-07:00

i shed my tears million times before .
and i know its all about me .
my fault and i .
i've become someone im not in minute ,
and i've hurt one heart in a split second .
how did i became someone i hate .
i love him and i know his the greatest among them all .
but why did i even try to convince my self that i'm strong enough to face reality ,
oh god yes i'm still hangin in fantasy .
im sorry honey , i didn't mean to hurt you .
in whatever ways .
i wish for you too remember my face and the sound of my voice .
even if its the last thing you want to hear .
i want to be in your memory as the sweetest things that ever happen .
i want you too be near forever .
but not as my special someone .
but as my friend who i trust the most .
because i just realize ,
i can't handle this things just yet .
i'm angry at myself ,
and i'm angry at the spirit i never found .
i beg for forgiveness .
i'm really sorry for what i've done .
baby , forgive me .
please dont ever forget me , or run away from me .
i need you by my side ,
i only need my time alone ,
i'm not ready for all of this .
but when i am , i'll be reaching out for you .
your name will be carve in this heart .
i still need you as my Guardian Angel .

his more important than him .

2009-07-16T06:04:00.000-07:00

i have to be kill silently .

someone beat me !

2009-07-13T07:05:00.000-07:00

i think i made a mistake . -_-'

history repeat itself .

2009-07-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

even if you don't tell me i know,
i know that we can't be together,
continue on the path that we are on,
don't feel sorry for me,
when i want to go closer to you,
i mentally call for you
so that your heart can rest completely
even if i call you ,
your heart can't come to me,

only you only you
only wind only wind
like moonlight ,
i can only follow you around,
loneliness seems better than a love
that will end in separation
i will think of you more

i am like a fool
only wind only wind
i want to show you that i change my mind
and end up my feelings once more
so that i can see you
just once more your image from behind

yes i didn't even know one bit
about how painful this would be
i didn't even know that i would see love
in the curve of your shoulders

even when i want too separate myself from you
part of my steps seems to go back to you
what will i do if
you forget my name , my face?

please do me a favor
and show me only your happy image
so that you who is busy with love
won't see the tears that falls from my eyes
my heart doesn't have time to console itself

so what should i do if your heart hurt?

only you only you
only wind only wind
even today i laugh and cry as i walk along
because if i see your image
tears of happiness will form

i am like a fool
only wind only wind
i want to show you that i change my mind
and end up hiding my feelings
so that even love is not possible
that this last forever.

"when you become happy , you get nervous.as much as i laugh , i think that tears will come and fine me.i feel like the life water is in me,will all come out in tears.and if i collapse , i won't be able to open my eyes"

i'm back on my feet .

2009-07-12T07:47:00.000-07:00

lame je ta update :)
my life was like a sinking helicopter past month .
urghh well i'm back on my feet .
tho i lost few friends of mine .
i think i can still walk with pride .
i'm shutting those old piles of past life chapter .
and opening a new one ,
with who ever sticking with me ,
i cry my hidden tears for so long and now i came too know it's not even worth it .
so move on is the only choice i have .

one ring from my phone .

2009-07-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

in my dream last night ,
i was flying a kite ,
then i saw a cloud of light ,
suddenly i caught u in sight ,
u were dressed in white ,
then i woke up in fright ,
i was sad it was not right ,
now i have no appetite ,
all i can is goodnight ,
wish u were here by my side .

Allahyarham Afham Akhimullah

2009-06-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

11/2/1993 - 8/6/2009

allahyarham afham akhimullah .
dear how i miss you .
seriouly your the best friend i ever had .
your friendly and nice .
you you , tak de sape kacau i dalam van dah :(
i rase lost sangat .
afham i still need you around . hmm .

( kamu )

tak sakit bila terluka ,
tak hirau walau didusta ,
hanya mati bila kau pergi ,
ku tak akan tersenyum lagi ,

kamu selalu menemani
membuat tertawa bersilih
melukis masaku hanya dgn warna lucu

kata kata yang tak punya erti
kini makin aku rindui
biar mereka mengandaikan siapa kita sebenarnya
ingin jujur ku mengakuinya
kau lah teman ku yang aku sayangi

kamu selalu menemani
ada saja yg kau perkatakan
membuatku hilang risau
hilang gentar
capai bintang

biar seribu
biar berjuta
kau tetap satu .

al-fatihah .

please say something .

2009-06-20T12:06:00.000-07:00

sometimes i want to be something people wont see
and sometimes i want to be a superstar that people will die to be with .
and sometimes i feel so alone i cry in my sleep
sometimes i feel like everybody is just there .
at the same i feel like no ones around .
i just wish you would say something..

that will change all my thoughts and troubles
that will synchronize all the melodies
and make the rain stop while i sing you my confession
darling listen it's important
i just wish you would say something

every little step i take i hesitate to tell
everytime i want you to know
i take my step back and dance away
i dont think i'll be able to let you know
because your just to good for me
and i just wish you would say something

that will make the stars shine at night
and the flowers grows on summer day
that will make me smile
and take my breath away
i just wish you would say something

because you mean everything
and there's no one like you .
no one like you darling , only you ...

it's been a while..

2009-06-19T06:11:00.000-07:00

wow , lame lah tak update , ish tenet buat gile lahh .
but now yeaa! againn...hehe..okay2 first holiday best ,
tapi i ta kemane sgt .. lepak2 KL sudeyh :)*jumpe fath kat klcc oh . msuk money changer :D
andand , i lepak with daniel , yash , ewan , azreen syg , and aida:) kat rooftop saje .
and gelak cam org gile lepas kene starbucks ! haha . evil veveilll :P
andand first day skolah best , i baru sedar i rindu sekolah , hee may sound silly but u really love school ! yay blh hug cikgu normala !! love you mwah mwah cikguu !!
and and , looks like byk aktiviti lah next week !
i jadi sukarelawan at zoo babeyh!! biase la animal lover :)
sabtu i jadi perniaga sebentar :D
usahawan la pulekk... so stay tune . i nak update gambar2 keluar kl :)
andand can't wait for school concert ! seriouslyyyyy . :)
andand faem comel ! haha ta pasal :D

bangkok jazz .

2009-06-05T13:31:00.000-07:00

hey yo hey yo :D
just now i went to bangkok jazz giving a helping hand to my sister .
it was fun , even tho i'm awfully exhausted .
but it was fun , she said she was damn nervous but i think she's lying , hahaha ,, cuz she did amazing ! agaga , not being bias !
started at 9 the pre listening for her album :)
then at 10++ the show case start , she sang 12 wonderful songs .
warghh da lupe what song .
but my fav was the one with tomok andand the one with rizu :D
haha rizu was damn good , *hampir pengsan dgar suara dia :D
andand the time she sang "the climb miley cyrus"
i almost cry , but tu uh , back up singer "the flava" dekat sgt .
cover la :P
oh yar talking about flava , they're kinda good :)
comel plakkk :P
farouk, edd and ariiffff .
after show case lepak makan with tomok rizu and others ..
best dorang nie gile ! masuk airr . haha
and then balik . but seriously i had a great time :)
and tomorrow ade lagi satu show case , dtg lah dtg ! promise u wont regret ! *if ur a music lover laaaa :D

about fahim hafifi ,

2009-06-04T11:06:00.000-07:00

DO RE MI FA HIM MYA .
his nice .
down to earth .
he can act , sing , dance and play guitar .
his funny at the same time adorable .
a gentleman for sure .
friendly and caring .
his sweet .
athlete .
loyal * du'uh .
simple yet so cute :)
his wearing my "gelang" haha ..
he has the sweetest smell .
his a dreamguy .
his perfect .
and most important is ,
his ONE IN A MILLION , haha , faem faem :)
sayang you lahh. :)

its a little too early mya .

2009-06-03T02:38:00.001-07:00

yea , its too early , i know how it feel to love someone , and only that someone , and the way that someone make u feel , can't really compete with anyone , and this love always make u wait , and never to move on , thank god i half way moving . its just too early for him .

stop .

2009-06-02T11:16:00.000-07:00

mya stop it , don't be silly no more !
shh and sleep .
your stronger than this !

what should i do .

2009-06-02T08:41:00.000-07:00

what should i actually do ?
hm hell yeah i like him , i like him A lot .
but i have NO guts to tell him .
not at all . grr , what happen to me now days.
penakut!! mya loser la youu.. adooi.. it's just his damn nice .
and i really like him , i thnk i can take good care of him . seriously .
its just that i thnk his still inlove with his ex ..
i really want him to move on , because i want to be that sumone in his heart .
and i want to be that someone that will took good care of his heart .
if only he knew .
i'll never ever hurt him .
hm .

his f.... ...... , urghh! hate me !

teachers day smk wangsa melawati(wmians)

2009-06-01T23:51:00.000-07:00

cikgu normala and mad :D

them i love !

yes they're talented.

it's me yo !

adussa mya and firdaus .

abg azreen our ketua pengawas :D

mya and firdaus

jum kiss faem ? :D

speechless !

hehe

yes ! mereka performer's of the day ! i love you guyss !

zareeq birthday party :)

2009-06-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

last saturday i went to zareeq my kesayangan birthday party !
i t was damn fun , seriously fun!love it so much , this is what we call A party :)
altho me fyfey and putri were kinda late .
but it was still fun! ho yeah!! hehe
and i came to know lots of people there , my school mate .
and were kinda close now :)
i was suprise fahim was there :D *bertambah happy la ... ngee hee .
we had the FLOUR fight , haha . my hair dah beruban!
and last2 part CUPCAKES fight , the best part of all!
haha. cop muke masing2 .
sangat fun ! i sayang sgt korang kawan2 i !! mwah mwa!!
i had fun , and this is the best memories :)

*stay tune for the teacher's day story :)

mikail andre he is .

2009-05-26T05:05:00.000-07:00

bicara yang pertama ,
ku rasa kau berbeza ,
senyumanmu istimewa ,
ku terpersona ,
dan mulai kaku ,

ohh mika , munculmu sebentar sahaja ,
memikat hatiku ,
tertawa sikapmu ,
ku dilamun angan sahaja ,
ohh mika , kau pandai berkata-kata ,
fotografi yang nyata menawan ,
ku akui kau inspirasi ,

bermain di ingatan ,
setiap gerak geri yang kau persembahkan ,
ku ingin kamu ,
miliki kamu ,
tapi sukar tuk ku mengaku ,

ohh mika , ku takkan pernah berani ,
tuk mengakui ,
walau sekali ,
tak mampu berbicara lagi ,

kau , kau , kau adalah , mikaa :)

*this song was created after i met mika ,
at first i don't know why ,
when i come home his playing around in my head ,
duh!why , just like Corinne bailey rae sang the song trouble sleeping ,
it goes like "don't say that I'm falling in love" ,
grr , so i decided to write some lyrics ,
and i started humming some melody ,
and there goes , A song :)
ha ha , seriously his different , but hey , I'm not hoping for anything ,
I'm just a little admire . rightt .
ha ha , another funny story , today i went to school and i gave azreen to listen .
she said ! waaaaa!i love it , and keep singing it out loud , OMG time tu mika betul2 kat depan i
haha , i was like , don't sing out loud , please . haha , and she keep on laughing ,
same as nik natalia agrora ! ha ha , you both devilll :D
then mika masuk sekolah , pegi kantin , suddenly .
azreen terus lari nak bgi mika dengar ,
GOD , my whole heart cam nak pecah ,
haha , punye la malu ,
ishh , but then mika kinda like that song , heeee *blushingreallyreallyblushing :D
wanted the songs with the lyrics .
i was like , okayyyyyyy teeheee :P
anyway thanks to azreen and natali agrora!! hahahha ..

kenapa berpindah ke muka buku ?

2009-05-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

haih , sume pun nak buat facebook now , adakah sebab mereka sudah dewasa :D
haha , terpakse la mya buat facebook jugaa , supaya terupdate sentiasa :)

YM; misselly_love@yahoo.com

hotmail;myacapture@hotmail.com

facebook;myacapture@hotmail.com

and ths bloggie ; myabloggergraphy.blogspot.com

where's arieyll :|

2009-05-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

first i notice one of my op missing , took me en second to figure out who , and it's arieyl , his blog gone missing also , where he go? hm..

you owe me AMYLEA AZIZAN

2009-05-21T22:48:00.000-07:00

argghh shit , she suppose to bring me to CAPSQURE today , but she didn't with an excuse , your not old enough , and FYI i'm 22 , hahaha . *membanggakan diri ! stupid assholleeh ! you owe me sistaa ! another gig for sure . i dah stok berangan setinggi gunung kinabalu , boleh dye ckp tak jadi ..
i cukup temimpi mimpi jumpe noh enn . grr , ngok !
i'll kill you *in achmed kinda way ^^
oh neway school was boring today ,agama islam paper was horribly hard , urhh!
akibat tak baca buku agama , i bace buku TWILIGHT . pandai kan , tu uh -_-'
and i notice mikail was abcent today :(
and i also notice one thing , i miss sadiq .! yeah ! why?how do i suppose to know . haha ..
here's some advise for all of you , don't ever treat your bf wrong , and don't ever couple wth anyone , if your not ready . understand? haha ...you will hurt other's ! jahat tawu ! :|
but hey the lesson has been learn for me :)

"what goes around comes around"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUBBLE !

2009-05-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

may alexandra robertson ,
she's my twin and i LOVE her so MUCHH !
wo ai nie ! chan raak khoon maak leew ! ..
today 22may2009 , is her birthday !
and i post this blog so that everybody know's i love her , and misses her so much ! mwaahhhh!

ho-yeah !

2009-05-21T05:25:00.000-07:00

i am so darn happy pepps , first the audition , and second i got it , third i got to perform !! fourth i got to act in the drama ! and fifth yeahh!!i'm lovin it :D , it's a step for me to get my name back ! ho yeah...
plus people keep knowing me , and now remember my name . and someone i like now keep having a chat with me . teehee . his ADORABLE ,and his nice , and most importantly his TALENTED , oh you know how i feel about talented guys ... ngeeeeeee :D and he plays the guitar , andand he took amazing breath taking photo's and his so into art , what a dreamguy he is .. awww *mealting
but NO , he doesn't know that i like him , although i've made a song about him . but still , i'll never have the guts to tell him :|
haha anyways , i'll be performing this may29 :)
medley of 2 songs , i'm your's /jason mraz and the show/lenka .
and will be acting in the drama too , haha fawaz as the director , me as script writer , and here's the actor's/actress ; husna , anuar , haziq , fawaz, mya*me,azreen,nik natalia,shafiqa*teacher .
and plus our two teacher's , as "budak jahat jugak"hahah , our teacher memang sporting habizz :D
so that's about it , tomorrow i got agama islam paper 1&2 .. wish me lucks !

question and answer .

2009-05-20T23:27:00.000-07:00

i have a question , do you know how hurt feel , i mean to explain it in words?
i also have an answer for that , you can't really express hurt in words . if you can please do .

Re-Audition ALERT.

2009-05-17T03:54:00.000-07:00

awwh mann,tomorrow got re-audition , and i'm nervous like hell . stress laa lately , byk btul problems kat kepale nie..sometimes i feel like giving up life , but pikir2 balik , nie baru sikit ,i got lots of things to handle in the future , maybe dugaan sket2 nie i patut pedulik kan sajoo :D
yeahyeah , byk problem yang i dah biar kan terbang , wahwah . :D
and some of them i keep it silence . and just for me myself and i ...eh back to tomorrow's audition..
i'm singing a medley , i'm yours and the show by lenka , urmm i'm not confident . but people keep telling me i cann..aiyooo ...
cikgu mengharap plakk...gedushh!wish me luck peoplee ! i really need emm , oh yarr , tomorrow got Bahasa Melayu paper1&2 , haha easy breezy forr me ..
so that's about it ..hope i'm having a perfect day tomorrow :)
btw jelly got too work this whole month and ewan is going to college tomorrow .
bodo semua benda dalam dunia ni bodo!hhahaha..hmm missing azliaz shafeeq!!gedushh..
that's all chow ^_^

what kind of friend am i ?

2009-05-15T13:04:00.000-07:00

the kind who talk to you when you needed someone to talk too..
the one who believes in you even if i know for sure it's your fault ,
the one who deny your mistake and just give you a hug ,
the one who tells you , you worth a million compare to others ,
the one who cry when you cry and laugh when you laugh ,
the one who share's lollipop with you ,
the one who dance like a retarded with you ,
the one you always lend you a smile ,
the one who shed your tears ,
the one who stay up all night just to help you sleep ,
the one who's willing to accept every single mistake you made ,
the one who feel helpless at this moment ,
the one who sits in regret knowing she can't do anything except pray ,
the one who feels sorry for you ,
the one who feel betrayed knowing what's happening ,
the one who feel unappreciated at this very moment ,
the one who feels hurt ,
the one who's crying while posting this blog ,
and the one who's getting eye back tomorrow ,
just the one who love you but feel stupid for even care .

i just post this blog for someone who i care a lot , but doesn't even appreciate me ,
and i also wanted eveyone too know that if you are my friend i love you like hell .
i really thank god for creating you ,
at time like this i can only cry and be all alone ,
but honestly i love all of my friends , especially my bestfriends .
they're always there giving me a smile ..
and for what just happen ,
i learn to appreciate my friends more .
I REALLY LOVE YOU GUYS TILL DEATH I WONT STOP .

yeahh totally ,

2009-05-12T07:08:00.000-07:00

I think METROSEXUAL GUY! are hot .
i love being in someone arms and smell the perfume .
HAHA , cam addict .
i really do !! ask all of my ex , they know better ,
i stole they're shirt/sweater just because of the smell ,
well of course la smells nice ,
busuk i pun ta nakk , bhahaha :D

that's life ,

2009-05-11T06:38:00.000-07:00

after what happen ,
i take it as a lesson learned ,
i have too think about my future more then anything ,
my future is my life ,
so from now on ,
it's all about me !
and a dash of friends .
toodles !

replying what you post .

2009-05-10T08:54:00.000-07:00

i'm not some dumbass ,
i do understand everything that's happening around me ,
i don't get mad easily ,
but i do understand what your trying too say ,
and hey i wish too god from now on i wont share one problem with anyone ,
but for who , who accept the way i live my life ,
if only you knew how i really care about you ,
how i actually know whats happening ,
and keep stressing not only about me ,
but about the surrounding including you ,
every bad thing and only the bad side ,
people will judge .
you only see the side which really is bad ,
i really do admit it .
and how i wish you would understand the way i care for my friends,
i'm not some little girl who stay beside they're family ,
friend's are the only family i have ,
i don't want nothing bad happen ,
to any which one of my friends .
if you don't want me too care ,
i won't ,
but you have no right too stop me from caring about others ,
i'm sorry if any of my words hurt you ,
or offense you .
but i want you too know what you said really offense me ,
i don't expect that from you ,
and i don't want too believe what people said was true ,
but it's clearly now ,
and it really makes me feel sad ,
because i keep on hiding what i really knew ,
for the sake of your feelings ,
and hell yeah it was not worth it ,
maybe it's worth it because it's for your own good .
and you'll be happier in future ,
and also you express something with all your anger ,
without even thinking about others ,
thanks a lot .

walking thru those light .

2009-05-06T12:30:00.000-07:00

i walk there and ran out of air ,
i breath calmly with my arms wrapping my body .
it was cold and dark ,
and it was so quiet i can hear my self breathing and my heart beating ,
i know they was no way i'm gonna get out of here ,
this place is no where ,
i only had my cloth on since i've been walking ,
im tired , no i'm not just tired , i'm exhausted ,
it's been miles of walking ,
no nothing in my hand ,
and i take a sit ,
it's was so cold i'm shivering ,
and my spirit started to disappear ,
oh god , why are you punishing me.
i'm starting to think about everything .
my hopes is clearly gone by now ,
i remember the time me , mom , dad , elaine , and aeron .
we always hang out together and had picnik .
i really miss you guys .
i do really . but i don't even know where i am .
and this is just killing me..
*sigh ...
my tears are still dropping down ,
im still thinking bout what's happening .
the last thing i remember was ,
adam driving car and i was with him ,
we were laughing .
and in a split second ,
I'm here .
again , i'm bursting into tears ,
i had no idea what's happening ,
this is so helpless ...
i strated screaming ..
mommmmm ! dadddd! adammmmm!!
help me please , as my down goes low , i have no energy left ..

suddenly .
i heard voices ..
it's very low , sounds like someone whispering ..
wait . wait just wait ! my voice is very low .
i don't think they're hearing me ..
waittt!! i keep on trying ..
i try to stand up , my legs are killing me ..
arghh!i scream , it really is hurting me ..
hmm...
i gotta keep trying , keep it strong ..

and i keep walking following those sounds .
i hear a women talking and a guy ..
some kids ...
hello! anybody ! help me .. please ...
no one's answering me ..
why are you guys doing this to me ,
a lots of thing keeps bothering my mind..
hmmm..i need help ..again i called for them..
and i started crying again....
it's something you wouldn't understand ,
i feel so helpless..
but i'm still hoping .
hoping for someone to get me..
i keep on walking ,
slowly ,
until i saw something shining .
urh , i covered my eyes..
and i look at those shining thing again .
oh its light , coming from there .
that must be the way out ..
i keep moving ,
fast and faster ,
i stop thingking bout my legs..
i walk and starting running ,
as the light keep on shining ..
near ! i'm near , telling myself...
breathing very fast ,
at last !! i'm hear ..
it's like a tunnel behind me abd this is the end .
i get out from there ,
and the lights are very bright .
as i go thru the lights..
suddenly im in a room..
and i saw people ..
lots of them ,
including my mom and dad .
..
what are they looking at ..
mom..softly i call for my mom..
dadd..
ohh ellaiine!!she just walk in the room..
and i can't believe i'm dreassing all in white ..
because just now i'm in such a mess, and my legs..they doesn't hurt anymore...
ellaine..look at me..
weird..no one is talking to me..
i'm calling almost every people i know there..
u guys!!!hmmm
i try to get closer , and i try too look at the same thing they're looking..
what is it..hmm
and ! what!! no wayy..i burts into millions of tears..
this is not happening!!
no way..mommm please...listen...
dadd..!!i cried..ellainne..i love you guys..

how shocking when i saw my own body lying in that bed..
i died..
i can't talk to anybody ..
i cried so loud..
my cry is full of regrets..
and full of sadness .
how i wish i can turn back time...
i heard my mom said..she was so young , shes crying..

and now i remember , i was in an accident ..
and i went in a come..
and now i'm dead...
wait!adam!! where's adam..
thats went i feel arms wrapping my body
i was shock at first and then i realize ,
it's adam..
we both didnt make it ,
i saw a light!
a bright light .
it looks peaceful just like heaven..
adam said we must go now .
where..i ask , somewhere we'll be happy forever..
slowly i answer , ohh okay...lets go..hmm

pointing too hell .

2009-05-06T09:59:00.000-07:00

hello again ,
been a long time since i post something that people can read about :D
*suke melayan hati je , posting uncool lyrics :D
okay now back with mylife , and blabla.
today i didn't go to school* i mean yesterday , it's already 1.00am . again mya? yes again .
i got gastric on tuesday and went home with my teacher ! its not fun actually , it hurts like hell . -_-'
and then i went hangin with ewan and amir yesterday night *that is just few hours ago :)
talking about the bbq we're planning on having .
this saturday , yeah! wanna join , pay me up rm 15 , murah je an..dushdush. :)
so this saturday goin to be a night larh , all of the people who i love is there .
gonna eat so much i that i willll burp :D bhahahah
and tomorrow is school day ! i love school , i miss azreen and nik natalia , miss shafiqu and fawaz .
miss my teachers ! :D
and thats about it , i'm goin to sleep now :)

"hey serious , if wanna join just past me up rm15 , and for those who live near me la , BukitAntarabangsa ofcourse :)"

nobody !

2009-05-02T16:13:00.000-07:00

You know i still LOVE you baby,
And it will never change

I want nobody, nobody but you
I want nobody, nobody but you
I want no one else but you
Can't have anyone but you
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

Why are you trying to push me away?
you know that I hate it,
you ignore what im saying
Why are you trying to send me to other?
You push me away like a little
each day why?

Saying that this is for my own good
Saying that you are just not worth it
Please, stop it right now coz'
you know me enough that i will come back to you no matter what!

I want nobody, nobody but you
I want nobody, nobody but you
I want no one else but you
Can't have anyone but you
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

I want nobody, nobody but you
I want nobody, nobody but you
I want no one else but you
Can't have anyone but you
I want nobody nobody nobody nobody

All the pushing won't change my feelings
I am happy to have you,
more than willing to please you
i'm begging you please
don't walk away from me
Coz' i can't be happy away
from your side

Saying that this is for my own good
Saying that you are just not worth it
Please, stop it right now coz'
you know me enough that i will come back to you no matter what!

I don't want nobody, body
I don't want nobody, body
Life is unperfect without seeing you
I cannot have anyone but you... ahhh

BacK to the days when we were
so young and wild and free
Everything we had back then
was like a dream
If only i could turn back time
Why do you keep on pushing me away?
why do you push me away?
I don't want nobody, nobody,
nobody. nobody but you

only wind only wind..

2009-05-02T14:44:00.000-07:00

maybe .

2009-05-02T11:31:00.000-07:00

maybe someday I'll have the courage too fight you,
fight you away from my heart ,
and maybe someday Ill stop crying for you ,
stop missing you , stop thinking of you ,
stop everything that will remind me of you ,

and maybe when that day come ,
you'll trust me I'm over you ,
I'm being nice just because i care ,
and when that day come ,
you'll see a different sight of me ,
one sight you've never seen before ,

and also when that day come ,
all the waiting will stop ,
and I'll realize I'm wasting my time ,
just like you said..

but dear ,
maybe doesn't really count ,
sorry if this days didn't happen ,
I'm not god ,
for now I'll stick too what want ,
like you said I'm still a kid ,
let me live in my own dream world ....

hello strangers ! I'm bumblebee .

2009-05-02T09:38:00.000-07:00

1] Who are you?

2] Are we friends?enemy?

3] When,where,and how did we meet?

4]Are we close?

5]Do you have a present for me?

6]Would you punch and slap me?

7]Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

8]What reminds you of me?

9] How well do you know me?

10]When the last time you saw me?

11]Are you going to put this on your blog and see what i say about you?

tranformers siblings .

2009-05-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

for thousand of years, optimus prime ,
the heroic leadear of the autobots has traveled through space in search of the allspark,
optimus prime has held one goal in mind to protect the universe from evil of megatron,
for this massive ,metal warrior , nothing is more important than freedom ,
he will sacrifice everything for its preservation , he has fought for centuries , preparing for that day when he and megatron meet for the final battle !
"freedom is the right of all sentient beings"

sent to earth by optimus prime
to gather information about the allspark
bumblebee protects its location so it can
remain hidden on earth , bumblebee disguised in his earth
form as a classic camaro works best in silence
and solitude acting as an unseen guardian
when it comes to a fight , he rushes in both plasma
cannons blazing

a utobot jazz is embodiment of everything the autobots stand for,
patient,kind and generous with the weak, he is a fierce warrior in defense of freedom
across the universe , no matter how tough the fight gets, he always an optimist , but when push comes to shove.
no robot is tougher of more willing to go down fighting , he is disguised on earth as the ultra-bleek pontiac solstics
"do it with style or don't bother doing it"

who am i?

2009-04-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

no matter who i am , i am still ,
not mia LUX.G
who people will care so much .
THANKS .

It's for you ,

2009-04-28T02:19:00.000-07:00

do you still remember how we use to cuddle each other till morning ?
well i do , and hell yeah i miss that ,
I've waited for you ,
waited so long for you .
but i never have the guts to tell you ,
i can bet everyone that i can get a guy in 10 minutes ,
because I'm not afraid to tell ,
but with you ,
it's different ,
even tho we're close ,
so close ...
but I'm afraid to tell you .
why? yeah I'm still asking myself why..
do you know how happy i am when your around.
how im glad to see ur face ,
i really wish you know how i feel rite now..
but i also wish you will never know ,
urgh how confusing ..
i want to tell you but i'm afraid to tell you !
goddd! help me .. :(